This article is the first of a two-part series discussing the significance of combating pornography. Check out part two here.

Introduction
What would you guess I deal with most in my biblical counseling conference room? Marriage counseling? Struggles with depression and anxiety? Assurance of salvation? Anger issues? Restoring relationships? Although all the above are good guesses, the most prevalent counseling I do concerns men’s struggles with pornography.
Pornography has become easily accessible and pervasive in today’s digital age. Many husbands and fathers are affected by pornography, often in ways that are not immediately visible, and which affect their spouses and children.
Considering pornography’s pervasiveness today, there seems to be confusion about the definition of pornography. Generally, people agree that the hard stuff – the XXX images and videos – is pornographic. However, it encompasses less than hardcore ribaldry. Pornography is an explicit person or material that stimulates lust emotionally or mentally, or sexual arousal physically that is available in various forms, as simple as a lingerie advertisement, a lady wearing a swimsuit, or a trashy novel to specific pornographic-production-oriented forms such as videos (even movies or TV shows), live webcam shows, images, magazines, and written content. Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery;’ but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28). Now, the lady wearing a swimsuit at the pool may not intentionally cause someone to lust after her. However, the man who lusted after her intentionally made her a pornographic object in his heart and mind.
Because of the wide-spread availability of pornography, many men are desensitized to these “lesser” forms of it. There are millions of websites and platforms offering free and paid content. Earthweb states, “4% of all websites globally are porn sites. Millions of websites are directly or indirectly operating in this type of business.” [1] Another group estimates that 71.3% of men between ages 12 and 85 view pornography regularly. [2] These statistics are just the tip of the iceberg, but they highlight how pornography has become normalized in society and is often seen as an acceptable part of entertainment.
Whenever the world guides people to believe sin is not sin, myths take the place of reality. John reminds us, “For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world” (1 John 2:16). One porn myth concerning says it is harmless, but research shows it can cause emotional and relational damage. Another myth proposes that consuming pornography is a normal and healthy part of adult life, but research shows that it negatively impacts mental health and relationships. Finally, there exists the myth that pornography does not affect relationships. However, research shows that it leads to unrealistic expectations, decreased intimacy, and trust issues. [3]
By understanding what pornography is, its widespread availability, and the myths surrounding it, husbands and fathers can better grasp the depth of its impact and the importance of addressing it.
Pornography’s Negative Effects on the Family
For husbands, pornography affects their relationship with their wives. First, pornography can have profound emotional and mental impacts on husbands, often leading to feelings of guilt, shame, and decreased self-esteem. The secretive nature of pornography consumption fosters a sense of guilt, while the moral conflict between personal values and actions can create deep shame. This internal turmoil can erode a husband’s self-worth, affecting his overall spiritual and mental health. Moreover, pornography places significant strain on marital relationships. It undermines intimacy and trust, dividing the husband’s attention and affection. The emotional connection with his spouse weakens, creating a chasm that can be difficult to bridge.
Furthermore, pornography sets up unrealistic sexual expectations, portraying an exaggerated and often unattainable standard of sexual performance and appearance. These distorted views can lead to dissatisfaction and frustration within the marriage, as reality inevitably falls short of the fantasy. Consequently, both partners may feel inadequate and disconnected, further straining the relationship. Recognizing these adverse effects is crucial for husbands to mortify the sin and work towards restoring their marriages.
For fathers, pornography affects their relationship with their children. A father’s use of pornography sets a profoundly negative example for his children, shaping their understanding of relationships and sexuality in harmful ways. When children, even inadvertently, become aware of their father’s consumption of pornography, it can distort their perceptions of love, respect, and intimacy. This poor role modeling can have long-term effects on their relationships and self-image. Moreover, a father’s engagement with pornography often leads to detachment from family life and responsibilities. Time and energy spent on pornography can result in neglect of familial duties and reduced emotional presence, causing a ripple effect of disconnection and dysfunction within the household. This detachment can strain the bonds that hold a family together, leading to a lack of cohesion and support.
Preoccupation with pornography severely hinders effective parenting. It distracts fathers from being fully present and engaged with their children, diminishing their ability to provide spiritual guidance, discipline, and emotional support. The father’s compromised attention and involvement can impede the healthy development of his children, affecting their academic, social, and emotional well-being. Understanding these impacts highlights the urgent need for fathers to address and overcome pornography use to fulfill their crucial God-given role within the family.
Stay tuned for part two, which will address practical helps for fighting porn.
Dr. Mark Horne is pastor of Andrews PCA in Andrews, South Carolina, Stated Clerk for Pee Dee Presbytery, and an adjunct professor for Birmingham Theological Seminary.
[1] Wise, Jason. HOW MANY PORN SITES ARE THERE IN 2024? (STATISTICS). Earthweb. March 21, 2023. https://earthweb.com/how-many-porn-sites-are-there/. Accessed June 11, 2024. This article has some disturbing statistics from pornography views by continent to time of day.
[2] Ballester-Arnal, R., García-Barba, M., Castro-Calvo, J. et al. Pornography Consumption in People of Different Age Groups: an Analysis Based on Gender, Contents, and Consequences. Sex Res Soc Policy 20, 766–779 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s13178-022-00720-z
[3] Patrick, Wendy L. How Using Pornography May Affect Relationships. Psychology Today. April 13, 2021. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/202104/how-using-pornography-may-affect-relationships. Accessed on June 11, 2024. See also: Grubbs, J. B., & Kraus, S. W. (2021). Pornography Use and Psychological Science: A Call for Consideration. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 30(1), 68-75. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721420979594. Accessed on June 11, 2024; Desanctis, Alexandra. New National Survey Finds that Porn Use Decreases Relationship Satisfaction. Ethics and Public Policy Center. November 9, 2021.
https://eppc.org/publication/new-national-survey-finds-that-porn-use-decreases-relationship-satisfaction/#:~:text=A%20new%20national%20survey%20published%20today%20reports%20that,use%20is%20generally%20associated%20with%20lower%20relationship%20quality. Accessed on June 11, 2024. Hillary, Grant Brenner. 4 Ways Porn Use Causes Problems: New research on sexual satisfaction, loneliness, and relationship stability. Psychology Today. March 5, 2018. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/experimentations/201803/4-ways-porn-use-causes-problems. Accessed on June 11, 2024.
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