Parenting Without Panic in a Secular World

While scrolling and scanning through the morning newsfeed, the headlines and a few devotionals, I ran across a meme with a cute kid with a quote attributed to CS Lewis, “Children aren’t a distraction from more important work, they are the important work.” 

Whomever the quote belongs to, who can argue with it? Certainly, for Christians, children are indeed a mission field; ours as well as our church community. Parenting has never been for the timid or passive but seems more intimidating in the times we live. Many of us feel like we are failing or have failed. Are there fewer good parents today? Is it an impossible task? Outside of perhaps a few strongholds, Christian significance and influence has eroded in our culture. So, how do Christian parents raise godly children in a secular world?

Maybe you’ve heard an exchange like this: “You’re so biblical about everything dad.” The irony of his words escaped the pastor’s teenage son. Somewhat flattered, the pastor replied, “Why, thank you son. Glad you noticed. I try to be biblical about everything.” 

With a roll of the eyes, they both knew they were in a no-win argument. With a sigh, he continued to justify his position, “Not everything is about the Bible,” he continued. A few useful tips might preserve some sanity if you’re in the heat of the battle.

Don’t run from the old to battle the new. 

The culture is new and ever changing, but human nature is not. A lot of things haven’t changed and are predictable. The conversation above between the pastor and his son occurred recently, but could have occurred in the 1950’s. Some teenagers are rebellious, and some are not—all have questions. Today’s Christian parents must be better informed. There’s more completion, and technology has changed the game. Parents need to be aware of secular culture, human nature, and biblical truth. 

The temptation is to appear relevant by being open to new ideas. Deuteronomy 6:1-9 is an old principle that is still very relevant. Regrettably, Christians have less biblical knowledge today than in past centuries during a time when we need more. Christian parents need to dig deep into the old texts and deepen their relationship with the Lord. Some things that worked for the Puritans will work today. When we make our personal relationship with the Lord a priority and rely on the Holy Spirit’s guidance, we will always have something worthy to teach to our children. 

The challenge is to not panic when your young tweens make comments foreign to what you believe and have taught. They’re going to reflect their culture and it’s our job to teach them without condemnation. Their teachers are everywhere: school, YouTube, sports figures, social media. 

Often our first reaction is to not allow our children access, or at least limit their exposure. That strategy may not be as great as one thinks. They’ll get access through friends, or even gravitate toward people they barely know to give them access to what the other kids are doing. When they do that, you have no way to steer the conversation.

When your spiritual well is deep, your reaction is one of discernment, rather than knee-jerk. Be familiar with their platforms and watch some things with them. Let them know you monitor what’s going on and show them how to apply God’s Word. Watch YouTube with your child and discuss the philosophy espoused. Don’t react to the language—what you may think is crass is mainstream to them—and listen to what the young person says. 

Show, don’t tell; it’s not just for writers. 

The sage writer’s creed is even more important for raising godly kids in a secular age. Show your children how to live in the secular world. Instead of avoiding or badmouthing the culture, interact with it and model the behavior you want them to have. 

Have the courage to go counterculture. Establish a routine, whatever it is, and stick with it. Read scripture daily with them as well as on your own. Begin the day and end the day with both scripture and prayer. Pray at meals, pray at noon, have family devotion/worship. Whatever works best for your situation. Obviously, this is easier when they are small before their schedules get full.

Some of the best worship services I’ve been part of have been with my family. On winter Sunday mornings when we were iced in and the roads were closed, or during the COVID lockdowns, we gathered in the family room for church. Let family members choose the songs, share prayer requests, and then I shared from the Word what God led me to do. One of the benefits of a consistent, private spiritual life is the ability to lead an impromptu session for anyone. As spiritual leaders of your home, don’t harp on your children about having prayer time, or reading scripture, let them see it as a priority in your life.

Not perfection, but humility.

The most powerful words a parent can say, the most powerful way a parent can show, is to be able to say “I was wrong, and can you forgive me?” Far more important than your children never hearing you lose your temper or fight with your spouse, is the ability to biblically handle these situations. Teaching your children to know what the Bible says about confessing your sins to one another, and forgiving as you’ve been forgiven, has great value, but showing them how it’s done makes the Bible real and relevant.

Proactive, not reactive. 

Whatever worldview you’re most afraid of, your child has already been exposed to it. You’re not putting thoughts in their heads by asking what they think or what questions they have. 

“What do you think about what Genesis teaches about creation, and what you’ve read or heard?” They’ve already had these thoughts. Let them know it’s normal to doubt God, the Bible, and the whole creation story. It’s not a sign of weakness, or lack of faith. Rather, it’s a sign of intelligence and even intelligent design. God created us in His image. Your children have questioned, “what does nothing look like? Feel like?”

Finally, don’t underestimate the power of prayer. Oftentimes, parents feel like they’re losing the battle. They think their kids are not reflecting the good stuff, but only the bad. Start praying for your children, their future spouses, career choices, etc. even before they’re born, but it’s never too late to start. We’re always parents.

Randy E. Williams, MDiv, MA, GCert Conflict Mediation, is a freelance writer with 25 years of ordained ministry: a chaplain, pastor, church consultant, and mediator. www.adifferenttack.wordpress.com