Godly Fathers and the Tool God Gives

Introduction

The first installment laid the foundation for what is to follow in terms of helps for biblical fatherhood outlined in the uses and kinds of Law. The second installment encouraged fathers toward intentional instruction and godly example and warned against possible pitfalls. This article turns to more particular explanations of uses of the Law as an aid for fathers. The audience is regenerate men who understand that justification by works of the Law is impossible. However, the Law still helps the Christian father. 

The Bible’s imperatives are not a popular topic today. Freedom is understood more as removal of the restraints placed on the flesh. But a biblical father must have a standard to guide their children to the knowledge of God and teach them how they are to glorify him. That standard is God’s Law.

The Law as a Means of Confronting Our Children’s Sin

As seen previously, the first or pedagogical use of the Law, points out sin and the need for Christ. Fathers must apply the Law to their sons and daughters in this way. If he does not, the consequences are profound. If the Law is only used to set a standard of behavior, a father may inadvertently create spiritual depression or self-righteous pride.

When a father teaches his children respect for adults as an application of the Fifth Commandment, he should give them tools to express this deference. Many use titles like “Sir,” or “Ma’am.” When children sin against the Fifth Commandment, fathers should correct and/or discipline them. However, fathers must do more. The sin is to be addressed in relation to Christ. Failures of children before the Law of God are an opportunity to show that all people fail to live in perfect obedience. Christ must be sought when sin is committed. The discouragement that comes with sin should be taken to the cross to be replaced with peace and joy in Christ. If Christ is left out, discouragement will settle in.

Teaching biblical obedience can also lead to self-righteous pride. If children do not recognize their own sin, they will become puffed up. For example, a father has been diligent in training his children. They conform themselves to biblical standards. It is especially in those cases that fathers must teach humility for sin and guard against self-righteousness. The identification of particular sin, the right naming of it, and a lesson on everyone’s need for forgiveness of sin in Christ is essential. Fathers can keep their child from an inflated perception of themselves by showing they are not righteous before the Law themselves either. 

Jesus illustrates teaches the subtlety of self-righteousness in the prayer of the Pharisee in the parable of the Pharisee and tax-collector: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.” The Pharisee acknowledges God in his prayer and proceeds to thank Him for his superiority over other people. The Pharisee has forgotten that he is a Law breaker himself, worthy of God’s condemnation. The tax-collector, on the other hand, has a proper perspective of his standing before God. He is guilty and he knows it. His prayer is very different: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” Children must be shown their own guilt before God and their need for forgiveness of sins in Christ so that they may be shown that a Christian relates to God from gratitude and not from pride. A father who only teaches outward conformity to the Law will raise their children to be proud. That kind of father has won a skirmish but has lost the war. And yet, simply pointing out the Law has been used incorrectly does not justify setting it aside.

The Law as a Standard for Behavior

A father must still teach his children right and wrong as defined in the Law. Even if the children deny Christ, the Law restrains sin and guides children in the Christian life. 

Every father draws proverbial lines in the sand their children may not cross. Some give more latitude than others, but everyone has their limit when it comes to a child’s behavior. Whether conscious of it or not, the father is responsible for his child’s behavior until he is able to take responsibility for it himself. And though many fathers look in the wrong places for where the lines should be drawn, a Christian father should look to God’s Laws as the only and final authority. It is a biblical mandate to do so. 

Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” The Bible is not making a gentle suggestion here, but giving a command. Parents must raise up their children according to God’s discipline and teach them the Lord’s ways. This requirement is not conditional on whether the children might be favorably disposed toward this standard. Fathers are simply charged to instill obedience to the Lord in their children’s lives. These standards of behavior should be based on the Moral Law of God as summarized in the Ten Commandments. This summary falls into two very basic categories: first, theological instruction about who God is; and second, practical instruction as to how they should glorify Him. This distinction has often been described as the two tables of the law.

The Two Tables of the Law

The first table, commandments one through four, helps man to know about God and his duties toward Him. The second table, commandments five through ten, helps man learn about his duties toward his fellow man. This order is significant. A proper relationship with God is defined first, and is followed by how man should act toward his neighbor. Fathers must use this order to help their children understand who God is so that love for neighbor is properly ordered. 

Right behavior void of love for God is the foundational problem of the Pharisees: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.” What Jesus is teaching is that, unless man sees the right relationship between who God is as Redeemer and himself as a sinner, his outward conformity is a mere shell. God seeks thankfulness expressed in action, but it must be true thankfulness.

The Law as Contra-Mundum

When fathers take up the Law in this way, they must recognize they will be going against the grain of culture. The law is contra-mundum, or against the world. More often than not, popular culture disagrees with the Bible. For example, entertainment often portrays fathers and husbands as incompetent in their homes. Children are the problem solvers and leaders, while the fathers are the dummies along for the ride. The contribution of fathers to the plot lines is one of comic relief and not the “laughing with” kind. However, that is not how the Scriptures present the father.

Scripture repeatedly presents fathers as the ones guiding the family in worship and godliness. Fathers are called upon to be leaders in their homes. For example, Deuteronomy 6:7 instructs the fathers to teach their children diligently, in the daily rhythms of life, that they might know the Lord. This same principle is found in Proverbs 22:6, which says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” In Ephesians 5:21-6:4 and Colossians 3:18-22, fathers are called to lead. Children are not left to find their own way, but fathers are called to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

To a certain extent the world appreciates the work of a Christian father. When children are respectful, kind or obedient, people notice. However, the motivation of the father is not to be praised by man. As we read in Deuteronomy 6:7, Proverbs 22:6, or Ephesians 6:4, his task is to train up his children in the fear of the Lord. God uses fathers to raise up the next generation of his church. The church exists to glorify and enjoy the God who made man, redeems His people, and sustains the whole world. That picture is antithetical to the goals of the world. Therefore, the world resists biblical teaching. Jesus warns that this will happen: “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because  you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” It is no surprise when God’s enemy acts like one.

Since the world is an enemy of God, Christian fathers should not expect it to promote love of God in their children. Fathers should expect negative reactions in the world when they seek to teach their children the fear of the Lord or demonstrate their own fear of God by living according to His instructions. There are examples of this kind of reaction in the Scriptures too. For example, in Acts 4:1 Peter and John are arrested by the ruling religious class because they were speaking about Christ in Solomon’s Portico. Other examples can be found in Acts 2:13; 5:17; 6:8; 8:1ff; 9:1; 9:23; 12:1ff; 14:19ff; 16:16ff; 17:1ff; 19:21ff; 21:27ff and 23:12ff. However, the world’s reaction does not inhibit the disciples’ desire to do what is right. What is true of the followers of Christ in the book of Acts should also be true of His followers today.

 As a father is faithful and obedient to the word of God, he can expect opposition. But in response to objections from the culture of their time, the disciples continued in their obedience to Christ. They did not change what they taught. It may seem a distant possibility right now, but there may come a time when authorities demand Christians break with the Word of God. In some countries such a time has come. When those times come, Christians must join with Peter and John as described in Acts 4:19-20 and declare that they must obey God rather than man. 

People will, and should, know there is something different about the Christian father. Jesus tells His disciples that there will be distinguishing marks about His disciples. He says, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Love is one of the distinguishing marks of Christ’s followers. The only way this mark would be noticeable is if it has a sharp contrast with what people usually experience. 

On rare occasions I am forced to go to the mall or shopping center. I get in my car and park it next to one of the other four hundred cars in the parking lot. The only way I can find my car again is by knowing the distinguishing marks that belong to my car: paint color, make and model, stickers, and license plate. In addition, my car is the only one that will open when I put my key in the door. All these differences help me to identify what is mine. That same is true for the Christian family. It is in the process of being conformed to the image of your Savior. That process will make the Christian family look different. People will see the differences and notice it is not like their family. 

It seems this chapter is a long way adrift from a father’s responsibilities, but that really is not so. In a Christian home, the father leads his family and sets the rules and standards. That leadership is essential to establishing a God-centered home. Wherever the father leads the family, the children, for the most part, will follow. Fathers must labor to fulfill the mandate given in Deuteronomy 6:8, as they seek to be faithful to their charge of Ephesians 6:4. As a result, the Christian family will look unlike any other family in the world. It will be a family where good works are done with love for God and thankfulness to Him. The Law will help give shape to these works.

Conclusion

The first use of the Law this chapter discussed is to drive man to Christ. By insisting on the standards of the Bible and teaching the difference between right and wrong to children, parents will come face-to-face with their sin. It is imperative that children understand they are sinners. Parents do not help them when they are always justifying their wrong-doing. Instead, the Law gives parents an opportunity to talk about the one who will take away all the guilt that their sin has incurred; the Lord Jesus Christ. Man’s sin forces him to call out to God for deliverance. There is no need to cry out to a Savior if there is no awareness that His standard of right and wrong has been violated. However, the Bible teaches that once Christ has made His people His own, He will cause them to love Him. And the Christian demonstrates his love for God by obeying His commands. God cares deeply about how His people live in this fallen world. But He does not care in such a way that He leaves them to figure out what they are to do. He tells them clearly in His Word and through His law. The Christian parent is privileged to be able to apply those standards in their families.

Geoff Gleason has served as pastor of Cliffwood Presbyterian Church in Augusta, GA for the past 14 years. He and his wife Lisa have 11 children and 6 grandchildren. Geoff obtained his MDiv at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, MS and his ThM at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary.