Husbands sin when they listen to their wives.
Now, before you throw tomatoes at me or hurl your arguments against that provocative statement, let me try to clarify myself. What does it mean to listen.
The context of the first sin of listening to a wife goes back to the Garden and Genesis 3. God’s curse of the ground is the result of the fall. God tells Adam in verse 17 that the curse comes about “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife.” In other words, the fall happened because Adam listened to his wife.
We’ve been feeling the effects of the fall ever since. This listening that Adam did is clearly a type of listening that is different from what we often refer to as listening. When we ask, “Are you listening to me?” we usually imply that you’re not understanding what is being said.
But Adam’s listening was actually following. He didn’t just hear Eve’s words and understand them, he obeyed her words…he submitted himself to her words. The Hebrew word there in Genesis 3:17 is sometimes translated “heeded.” The Hebrew word is shamah and it’s the same word used in Deuteronomy 6:4 where we read of the Shema Israel: “Hear (shema), O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.”
Shema means to hear, listen, and obey. The Shema Israel is both a statement of belief (like a creed: the Lord is one) and a pledge of allegiance (love the Lord). So, shema is much more than hearing, but implies following. It means to pay attention and respond appropriately, even obediently. Earlier I wrote that often our question about whether or not someone was listening to us implied that we were not being understood. But, the shema type of listening used in Deuteronomy 6 is more like what we often hear a parent say to a child where the parent isn’t actually asking if the child heard the parent, the parent’s question, “Did you hear what I said” is actually a rhetorical question along the lines of, “Are you going to obey me or am I going to give you a spanking?”
One of the earliest sins man commits is the sin of listening, a.k.a., the sin of not leading; the sin of being passive; the sin of following his wife.
I’m not saying that a woman should sit passively and let a husband treat her like dirt. I’m not saying a wife shouldn’t be allowed to express her opinion. I’m not saying women are unintelligent and should keep their mouths closed. Not at all. I’m being critical of men for not leading.
Husbands should hear what their wives say. Husbands should give their wives their attention when their wives are talking. And I would even say that husbands should defer to their wives, when possible…they should go with their wives’ preferences, when the stakes are not high and consequential.
But husbands must not be overly concerned with pleasing their wives. They must be primarily concerned with pleasing the Lord. A man must be committed to doing what he believes is in the best interest of the family, for the glory of God.
Why is it the case that a man should not obediently listen to this wife? Because the man is responsible before God for his family. The husband is accountable to God for the way things go at home.
Where do I get this? From Genesis 3. After Adam and Eve sinned, and the Lord went looking for them. What do we read in verse 9? But the Lord God called to the man. God didn’t call to the woman. God didn’t go to her first, He went to the man. Men are held accountable for what happens under their oversight.
Practically speaking, I believe a couple of guidelines can be helpful. There are probably times where it’s perfectly fine to listen / follow your wife. And, there are times when you should not.
One, a husband can’t listen to his wife when she is asking him / telling him to sin. Maybe the wife thinks your daughter should go out with a non-Christian. You can agree that he seems like a super nice guy, but you can’t allow your daughter to go out on that date.
A husband can’t heed his wife’s voice when she encourages him to take a different job because it makes more money. He may need to do something to bring in more income, but if he likes what he does and the Lord seems to be making him fruitful in that job, and it’s good for the family, she has to learn contentment with less.
Two, a husband should get counsel from his wife, yes. But he should also get it from older, godly men, too. Proverbs instructs us in several places of the importance of getting advice before making decisions.
Bottom line: a man must be committed to doing what is best for the family and for the Lord. He can’t be swayed by tears, being on the receiving end of a cold shoulder, or a wife who seeks to increase the decibels in her voice to get what she wants. He must be firm in his efforts to seek first the Kingdom of God. He must do what is good. He must be on guard, knowing that he is susceptible to heeding the voice of his wife. He must be resilient, emotionally strong, and not persuaded. Husbands must not sin by listening to their wives.
Michael Brock is the senior pastor of Third Presbyterian Church in Birmingham, AL.
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