A Man's Loves Radiate Outward

This past weekend, I had the great opportunity to attend the inaugural PCA CDM Men’s Conference. Our first plenary session was delivered by my friend, Dr. George Grant, and during his lecture he said something that has stayed with me:

“Love what you love in front of the people you love.”

It is one of those simple statements that becomes more profound the longer you consider it.

Men spend a great deal of time thinking about what we need to teach the people entrusted to our influence. Fathers think about what they need to teach their children. Pastors think about what they need to preach to their congregations. Employers think about what they need to communicate to their employees. Coaches think about what they need to instill in their players. Older men think about what wisdom they need to pass along to younger men.

All of that matters. Words matter. Instruction matters. Truth must be taught. But Grant’s statement gets at something that runs even deeper than what we teach. What do the people around us see us love?

Your Loves are On Constant Display

Whether we realize it or not, our affections are constantly on display. The people around us learn what matters to us by watching what excites us, what occupies our attention, what we sacrifice for, what we talk about, what we protect, and what we make time for. We may tell someone that something is important, but eventually our words will be compared with our loves.

People notice what makes us come alive, what keeps us talking, and what receives our time, money, and energy. They also notice what disappoints, frustrates, saddens, and angers us.

In other words, they discover what we love, and our loves have a way of radiating outward.

Every man has some sphere of influence. It may be large or small and may be public or almost entirely unnoticed. But there are people around us who are learning something from the way we live. A husband influences his wife. A father influences his children. An employer influences his employees. A pastor influences his congregation. A coach influences his players. An older man influences younger men. A friend influences his friends.

We often think influence is something reserved for men with platforms, positions, titles, or large audiences, but most influence is much more ordinary than that. It happens around dinner tables, in offices, locker rooms, church hallways, backyards, and conversations over coffee.

In all of those places, our affections are teaching. In that sense, a man is always catechizing someone.

We catechize not only with our words, but with our enthusiasm. Our loves are teaching lessons even when we do not realize we are teaching.

The searching question is, then, What am I showing them is worth loving?

There is nothing wrong with the people around us knowing that we love lesser things. God has filled His world with good gifts meant to be received with thanksgiving. Your children may know that you love football. Your coworkers may know that you love hunting. Your friends may know that you love a good book, playing golf, or cooking a steak. Those things can all be enjoyed to the glory of God.

They often will know that you love ordinary things, but do they know that you love the greatest things?

Do they know that you love Christ? Do the people around you see genuine affection for Jesus Christ?

Love Christ in Front of the People You Love

This is where Grant’s statement becomes particularly searching-Love Christ in front of the people you love.

Let your wife hear you speak gratefully about the grace of God, your children see you reading Scripture, and your friends hear you talk naturally about the goodness of God. Let younger men hear you speak about Christ as someone precious to you, your employees see that your Christian faith actually shapes the way you lead, and your co-workers watch you reflect Christ’s light.

Let people hear you pray, see you repent, watch you forgive, trust God when providence is difficult, and thank Him when providence is sweet.

Let Christianity be more than the theological framework quietly operating somewhere in the background of your life. Love Christ in front of them.

Christian men have the privilege of spending our lives showing the people God has placed around us that Christ is worth loving, that we treasure His Word, delight in His worship, serve in His Church, and seek His kingdom.

That is why Grant’s simple statement has stayed with me. It raises a searching question for every Christian man:

If someone watched my life without hearing my words, what would they conclude that I love?

Hopefully, there are certain loves about which there could never be any doubt.

He loves Jesus.

He loves God’s Word.

He loves the Lord’s Day.

He loves the Church.

Every man has a sphere of influence. Look around at the people God has placed within yours; they are learning something from what you love. So make sure they see you love the greatest things.

You may never know how far those loves will travel. A son may carry them into his own home. A younger man may imitate them years later. An employee may remember them. A friend may be strengthened by them.

The influence of a faithful man’s affections may extend far beyond what he ever gets to see.

That is part of the quiet power of a faithful Christian life: love what you love in front of the people you love.

This article was originally published on Mining the Riches, Matt Adams' Substack.

The audio from the PCA CDM Men's Conference can be found here.

Matt Adams is the senior minister of First Presbyterian Church in Dillon, SC, and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.