Men, Do Something Hard

Modern life has made it remarkably easy for a man to avoid difficulty. Climate-controlled rooms, automated conveniences, instant entertainment, and endless distraction allow a man to pass entire days without exerting himself physically, mentally, or spiritually in any meaningful way. Nothing in his body aches. Nothing in his soul is tested. And over time, something in him quietly withers.

Men were not designed for perpetual ease.

From the beginning, God placed man in a garden to work it and keep it (Gen. 2:15). That charge was not a punishment; work was a gift. Work, responsibility, and effort were woven into manhood before sin ever entered the world, which means that difficulty is not an enemy of masculinity. Difficulty is a tutor.

This does not mean that every man must lift heavy weights, build a house with his hands, or run marathons. Of course, those are good things. Nonetheless, the point is not the specific task, but that a man must regularly do something that demands more of him than he is comfortable giving.

The Problem with Comfort

A man who never pushes against resistance will inevitably turn inward. Comfort breeds passivity and passivity breeds entitlement. Soon, that entitlement turns to resentment, and that resentment eventually reveals itself in anger, avoidance, or self-pity.

This is not theoretical. We see it everywhere. Many men are restless but can’t explain why they feel unfulfilled. There has been a significant rise in men who are being medically treated because they are irritable, anxious, depressed, and sensitive without any known cause. Society is full of men who are easily offended, discouraged, and bored. Very often, the issue is not some past trauma or life complexity, like our culture wants to argue, but it is that nothing in their life is requiring them to rise.

Hard things recalibrate a man. Difficulty clarifies priorities. Struggle exposes weakness without destroying dignity and forces us to be honest with ourselves: I am not as strong as I thought. I must grow.

When a man does something hard, he encounters resistance. A heavy barbell does not care about your self-image. A difficult project does not bend to your excuses. Fatigue, soreness, failure, and repetition all function as teachers.

Hard things strip away fantasy and replace it with reality. Difficulty teaches patience, and shows a man that growth is usually slow, often painful, and always earned. Even more, these lessons do not stay confined to the task itself. They spill over into marriage, fatherhood, work, and spiritual life. A man who learns to endure physical or practical difficulty is far more likely to endure relational and moral difficulty without quitting.

The Discipline of Choosing Hard Things

The key is not adrenaline or novelty. It is discipline.

A man must choose something hard and commit to it long enough for it to shape him. His drive cannot come from wanting to be impressive, or wanting to earn praise, but because it requires him to show up when he would rather stop.

For you, that hard thing might be:

• Training your body with seriousness and consistency

• Learning a demanding skill that requires patience and failure

• Building or fixing something tangible

• Taking responsibility for an area of life you have neglected

• Leading when it would be easier to defer

• Saying no to comfort so you can say yes to growth

The specifics will differ, and they should. Men are wired differently, called differently, and placed in different seasons of life. What matters is that the thing is real, costly, and formative.

Why This Matters Now

Our moment in history actively discourages men from challenge. We are told that limits are harmful, effort is optional, and discomfort is a sign of injustice. However, a man who never learns to endure difficulty will be unprepared for the unavoidable trials of life.

Marriage, fatherhood, leadership, and faithfulness are hard. A man who has never chosen hardship will resent it when it finds him. Nevertheless, a man who has trained himself, both in body and soul, to embrace challenges will meet hardship not as an enemy but as familiar ground.

So, men, choose something that stretches you, commit to it, and let it shape you. Not to prove anything, but to become a man who can bear the weight. 

Do something hard. You will be a better man for it.

Matt Adams is the senior minister of First Presbyterian Church in Dillon, SC, and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.