A Man’s Words

Words are important things. Think of how words can be used: words can paint a beautiful scene in a poem or novel; words can stir rebellion as they did during the American Revolution; words can crush a person’s spirit; words can be used to convince during debate; words can be used to encourage a friend. The words you use and the method by which you use them are incredibly important, particularly if you are a husband and/or father. As a man, you can use your words to accomplish a great many things; you can use your words to build up or tear down your wife, your children, your congregants, and your coworkers. Brothers, I write this to your conscience so you consider how you will use your words.

Let us examine a few passages of Scripture which show how to use your words in a God-honoring fashion. Proverbs 12:18 says “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Harsh, angry, or careless words are like sword thrusts in that they destroy and cause pain. On the other hand, the words of a wise man bring comfort, confidence, and healing. Think of the wise men in your life and how they speak to their friends and family or how they speak during important times.

James 3:5 also warns “So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!” Those of you who live in states like California know how large of a wildfire is started by a small campfire or spark. Words can have the same effect! The blaze of an entire movement can be started by a single speech or even a single post on social media.

As men, people look to you in all areas of life; in the workplace, in the home, in the church, and in your neighborhood. It would behoove you to take great care in how and when you use your words. Your words are like the arrows fired from a bow. When you shoot a bow, you take your time, you aim, you control your breathing, and you carefully release the arrow. If you do your job appropriately, the arrow will fly true and have its intended effect, whether that is striking the center ring of a target or striking a kill shot on an animal. If you are careless as you gain your sight picture, or you are impatient as you release your arrow, you will fire wide and possibly miss your intended target or even strike an unintended target! This can cause great danger! If you are careless, you could send an arrow towards people or into the side of a building or car. Likewise, you must carefully direct your words, taking care to shape them and aim them, taking care to fire them to your intended effect. Just like an errant arrow can cause damage, careless words can cause pain, misunderstanding, and confusion.

Think of a time where you were careless with your words. Maybe you snapped at your wife or children and said something insensitive or hurtful. Maybe you were talking with a coworker and you gossiped about someone when you should not have done so. Maybe you stood by and failed to speak up in the face of wrongdoing. I know I have certainly had many times in my life where I uttered words which I instantly regretted. As men, you must strive to control your tongue rather than be controlled by your tongue.

The question remains, what should be the goal of your words? The Apostle Paul says “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). In all things, you ought to strive to bring glory to God and that includes using speech which builds up, encourages, and points people to the Scriptures.

In a practical sense, there are many ways in which you can do this:

Pastors and Elders

If you are a pastor or elder, I encourage you to regularly praise and encourage your congregants and fellow church officers. Regularly point your congregants to the wisdom and truth of Scripture. Congregants are mightily encouraged when their pastors and elders offer words of encouragement and prayer and you ought to strive to use your words to do so.

Husbands

If you are a husband, I encourage you to regularly offer praise and encouragement to your wife. You can regularly send her Scripture, you can pray with her, you can praise her beauty of body and character, and you can praise her abilities and hard work as a wife, mother, and friend. As husbands, you have the responsibility to care for your wife well and you ought to strive to use your words to do so.

Fathers

If you are a father, I encourage you to regularly offer praise and encouragement to your children. Praise your children in their abilities, their work ethic, their love of Scripture, how they treat their friends, or their physical appearance. As fathers, you play a critical role in building up and forming your children and you ought to strive to use your words to do so.

The good news is that the Holy Spirit continually sanctifies you and gives you the strength to do these things, always growing the fruit of the Spirit within you (Galatians 5:22-24). I encourage you to pray for wisdom and clarity of speech at all times, striving to “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6).

It is said that much of communication is non-verbal, but God has designed humans to be creatures of words. Do not underestimate the impact your words have on the people around you. Always strive to glorify God, build up others, and point others to the Scriptures.

Jared Dean serves as Assistant Pastor at Liberty Church PCA in Owings Mills, MD. Jared has also served as a police officer for 16 years and a provisionally-endorsed chaplain for 2 years at a county police department in Maryland. Jared previously served 8 years in the United States Marine Corps.