<![CDATA[Reforming Men]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/blogRSS for NodeWed, 12 Feb 2025 12:39:58 GMT<![CDATA[Big Girls Don’t Cry, but Godly Men Do]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/big-girls-don-t-cry-but-godly-men-do67ab68f1788b01d3fc5bee7bWed, 12 Feb 2025 12:30:08 GMTThomas Rickard


There’s no shortage of books and articles urging men to “man up” and act like men. However, most of these look toward a perceived understanding of what it is to be a man. We have heroes that we look up to and love the hero in the action movie. We read biographies of great men who accomplished great historical feats that changed the course of history. We love to read of fictional characters in novels who face danger head-on. We love to be like Strider in The Lord of the Rings. However, most of these perceptions are not based on biblical truths. They are often one-sided, influenced by culture more than the Bible.


This is one of the great reasons I love reading historical books—you are introduced to other aspects of the Bible. This happened when we were reading through Thomas Watson’s The Godly Mans Picture: Drawn with a Scripture Pencil in a men’s book study. The week when all of my training as a man (with English and Scottish blood in my veins) said, “Maybe I should call in sick this week.” The chapter was titled, “A Man Who Weeps.” Instilled in me is the idea that we need to be tough and strong. Tears are a sign of weakness.


Godly Men Cry

Watson, in classic Puritan fashion, lays out six reasons why a godly man weeps:

  1. For the indwelling of sin;

  2. For the adherency of corruption;

  3. For being overcome by the prevalence of corruption;

  4. That he cannot be more holy;

  5. Out of the sense of God’s love; and

  6. Because the sin of a justified person is very odious.


Watson expresses not merely that we be weepers, quick to shed tears, but that we would be evangelical weepers. If Watson were writing for the modern church, the section would be called “Gospel-Centered Weeping.” Watson expresses two types of people who cry but do not engage in ‘evangelical’ weeping. He says men are quick to cry when they lose a loved one but not when they are in danger of losing God and their souls. The second is those who are quick to weep but continue to walk in their wickedness. Watson encourages us to have our faces shine with tears of sorrow and joy. Watson says: “[Repenting tears] are beautifying; a tear in the eye doth more adorn than a ring on the finger; oil makes the face to shine, tears make the heart to shine; tears are comforting; a sinner’s mirth turns to melancholy, a saint’s mourning turns to music.”


Watson is not reflecting a cultural phenomenon but a biblical one, as the title suggests, that this portrait of a godly man is drawn with the HB pencil found in Scripture. Many of the men of faith in the pages of Scripture weep. Abraham (Gen 23:2), Jacob (Gen 29:11; 37:35; 45:26–28), Joseph (Gen 42:24; 43:30; 45:1–2; 50:1), Moses (Num 11:10), David (1 Sam 30:4; 2 Sam 1:12; 12:16–22; 13:36; 18:33), Elisha (2 Kgs 8:11–12), Ezra (Ezra 10:1), Nehemiah (Neh 1:4), Job (Job 16:20), Jeremiah (Jer 9:1; Lam 1:16), Peter (Matt 26:75), Paul (Acts 20:37), and Jesus (John 11:35; Luke 19:41). These men weep because of the sorrow of death of loved ones (spouses, parents, children, and friends), frustration over people’s complaints, the anticipation of future suffering, the sins of the people and their unfaithfulness, the demise of God's people, personal grief and suffering, repentance for personal sin, and the sorrow of saying goodbye.


Why We Need More Evangelical Weepers

The reality is that this topic is not discussed nearly enough. Tears and weeping are a thing only to be found on this earth. In Heaven, all tears will be wiped from our eyes (Rev 21:4).


More could be written about this topic. But for now, let us reflect and consider the easiest memory verse in the Bible, John 11:35: “Jesus Wept.” This profoundly simple verse shows the reality of what it means to be a man living on this side of Heaven. In this life, we are surrounded by tragedy, tribulations, and temptations. This alone should cause us to weep. However, the godly man looks not only at the world but also at his heart. He sees the sin that remains and weeps. The sinful woman weeps at Christ’s feet (Luke 7:38), and the group of women weep as they see Christ led to the cross (Luke 23:27–28).


We should understand this reality in our lives: that we weep for our sins and also weep for our sins that placed Christ upon the cross. We need more men to cry and weep for their sin and the sorrow in this world. We need shepherds who shed tears when sheep in their care are harmed and hurting. We need fathers to weep secretly in their closets before the great throne of grace, but also in front of their wives and children for the pain they have caused. We need to be able to start asking other men, “When was the last time you cried?” We need evangelical weepers.


Big girls don’t cry, but godly men do.



Thomas Rickard is the pastor of Seven Springs Presbyterian Church in Glade Spring, VA.


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<![CDATA[When the Man Goes Silent]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/when-the-man-goes-silent67a11034f0d6f42a5b4db706Wed, 05 Feb 2025 13:40:10 GMTKenny Silva


Where was Adam when the Serpent entered Eden and infected Eve with his venomous words? At first, the story reads as if she had been caught unguarded and alone. But then we learn that Adam was there all along, listening as the Serpent twisted the words of God to deceive his wife.

Rather than embracing his prophetic and priestly role, rebuking the Serpent, and correcting his wife, the feckless head quietly acquiesced. Adam's silent affirmation of the enemy's words enabled his wife's transgression. His accepting the fruit from her hand sealed his abdication.

The rest, they say, is history.


The Awful Sound of Man's Silence

Adam's was a failure of words. Uniquely endowed with the linguistic capacity to dialogue with God and exercise verbal dominion (e.g., Gen 2:20), he had been given a voice as one of His greatest tools. Because man's verbal nature abhors a dialogical vacuum, His failure to use that voice to defend and support his wife invited corrupt and corrupting words to fill the space.

Sadly, this silent film repeats itself as Genesis unfolds. Instead of counseling patience, Abram listens to the voice of Sarai and sleeps with Hagar (Gen 16:2; Gal 4:23). Instead of resting in his status as the divinely favored son, Jacob obeys the voice of his mother and executes her scheme (Gen 27:5-12). Later on, he lies down quietly as his wives requisition his body to beget sons (Gen 29:31-30:24). The same holds his "peace" after his daughter's rape and sits silently as his sons speak deceitfully, blaspheming the covenant Lord for the sake of vengeance (Genesis 34).

If time and space permitted, we could move beyond Genesis and speak of the Davids, Solomons, and Herods who abdicated their wordy authority and allowed the voices of subordinates to lead them astray. The heart of the matter is this: the man's voice is meant to be an instrument of godly authority. And when the man goes silent, the Enemy fills the space.


When Others Do All the Talking

Men are called to use our voices for the glory of God and the good of those we lead. Sadly, the sin of passivity crouches at the door, muzzling our verbal authority. Far too many men are content to hold their peace while others do all the talking.

Who might these "others" be?

  • Mommy Bloggers

  • Podcast Hosts

  • Neighborhood Busybodies

  • Teachers and Administrators

Here's one contender you may not have considered—the man's wife.

Make no mistake: the virtuous wife opens her mouth with wisdom, providing sage counsel to her husband and their children (Prov 31:26-29). Only a fool would ignore her words. Still, virtuous counsel can become vicious prattle when its sole aim is to fill the void left by man's silence.

When Eve must speak because Adam can or will not, disaster is not far off.


Restored Voices and Fitting Words

I have four loud and energetic children. When their shenanigans spiral and my home reaches a certain decibel level, one of the few things that can restore order is my elevated "papa voice."

Volume is sometimes necessary, but it can easily become the angry man's path to violent verbal control. What the home needs is not necessarily a loud voice but an intentional one whose careful words fit the occasion and, thus, build up and give grace to those who hear (Eph 4:29).

To the Serpent's "Did God actually say," Adam should have retorted, "No, He did not." To Sarai, Abram should've said, "Wait and pray." To Rebekah, Jacob should've chided, "Remind Father of the promise." To his wives, Solomon should've applied the first word, "We shall have no other Gods before Him."

Fitting words that, alas, were never even tried on.


A Parting Word for the Silent Man

Have you, like Adam, chosen silence over priestly correction and prophetic rebuke? Have you left fitting words untried and watched your loved ones languish in your relative silence?

Take heart. You may be a man of silent lips dwelling in the midst of quiet men but, if you are in Christ, God has provided a lip-cleansing atonement greater than any angelic tong could ever bear. He has spoken a Word whose redemptive eloquence is sufficient to fill every void left by your silence. He has given you a voice and a message—a verbal authority to exercise in the home for His glory and the good of those He has placed under you.

So, speak up, silent man. In humble reliance upon the Spirit's wisdom, speak the bold and fitting words that your wife and children need to hear from your lips. Refuse to cede your verbal authority to the talking heads. This is your privilege and responsibility. 

Will you use your voice, or will you let the Enemy have the last word?


Kenny Silva is the pastor of Hickory Grove Presbyterian Church (PCA) in Mt Juliet, TN and a Guest Lecturer at Reformed Theological Seminary (Atlanta). Kenny resides in Lebanon, TN with his wife, Suzanne, and their four children.


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<![CDATA[Faux Masculinity and Magnanimity]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/faux-masculinity-and-magnanimity679a37a2461ec22929d2fb72Wed, 29 Jan 2025 14:19:20 GMTAaron Garriott



In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Queen Gertrude famously says of a queen in a stage play, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” By this she means that the queen’s excessive and insistent vows to never remarry betray quite the opposite: in reality, the queen very much wants to remarry. In other words, her perpetual claims to never remarry make the claims hard to believe. This phrase has been oft appropriated to show that people will excessively deny or affirm something to overcompensate for what they know the be true. I suspect that Queen Gertrude might say something similar about many claims to masculinity in our day: “The men doth protest too much, methinks.”


To be sure, I am most grateful for and encouraged by the resurgence of interest in biblical masculinity. It is most welcome and needed in our pulpits and in our pews. The concern addressed in this article is not that. Rather, it’s the concern of Queen Gertrude; namely, true masculinity does not incessantly and intentionally exalt itself. In other words, truly masculine men don’t walk around telling people how masculine they truly are. 


Growing disillusioned with complementarianism and androgyny, some men have now become keepers of masculinity and patriarchy, sniffing out weakness in gentleness or cowardice in prudence. These men seem to have an obsession with pointing out what they deem as effeminate, although most of it would no doubt fall under the category of adiaphora. They rail against men who wash the dishes after dinner while they themselves are failing to lead their wives. They insist that all wives should wear a head covering while they themselves have an effeminate aura. They identify androgyny from a mile away while having little emotional fortitude. They say that everything is “gay” or effeminate while wearing skinny jeans and eating edamame. The problem is a sort of plank-and-speck issue: calling out perceived effeminacy while possessing it. But the godly man doesn’t walk around sniffing out effeminacy, fishing for characteristics that he thinks he can dunk on by declaring effeminacy. Those who sniff out effeminacy in others may find the trail leads straight back to their own home. An important virtue that men like this are missing, a virtue that all of us should continually cultivate, is the virtue of magnanimity


The Puritan John Flavel described the Christian virtue of Christian magnanimity as the “conscience’s security.” He writes, “It is excellent and becoming a Christian to be able to face any thing but the frowns of God and his own conscience.” Magnanimity is a masculine virtue that is perhaps best defined by identifying its opposite: pettiness. The magnanimous man is not a petty man. As Merriam Webster defines magnanimity, it is a “loftiness of spirit enabling one to bear trouble calmly, to disdain meanness and pettiness, and to display a noble generosity.” The magnanimous man can endure and tolerate much opposition. Petty fights aren’t alluring to him. He isn’t searching for trifling battles. He is hard to stir up. This is why an elder is not to be quarrelsome (1 Tim. 3:3), craving and stirring up unnecessary strife. Elders are often on the receiving end of undue insults. They must be impervious without being calloused. They must be correctable without being peevish. They must give the benefit of the doubt without being naïve. 


All Christian men, not just elders, look to Christ as our model of a magnanimity. As Peter writes, “When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23). Paul warns against such fruit that demonstrate citizenship in the kingdom of darkness: “Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19–21). Enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries—the magnanimous man isn’t given to these. 


The godly, magnanimous man is unaffected by petty insults and vain arguments. He has a come-what-may attitude because his foundation is well-laid and thick. His heart and his home are stable. He isn’t unduly bothered by trifling or trendy opinions. He has a gravitas about him that is unshakeable. It takes much to wile him up. They don’t have buttons that can be easily pressed to draw out an internal defense lawyer. 


Further, the magnanimous man doesn’t need to advertise his masculinity; he simply is masculine, godly, and virtuous. He doesn’t need to flex his muscles to show his own strength or to show the weakness of others. He doesn’t need to take gym pics in the mirror (either real or metaphorical) to prove his muscle. Here applies the Proverbs 27:2 principle: “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” Additionally, he doesn’t need to criticize every man who doesn’t fit his particular mold (i.e., “Real men drive trucks”). This merely bears the fruit of dissension rather than the “peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by” Scripture-saturated, godly elders. One fishing for effeminacy is himself engaged in an effeminate endeavor, for the magnanimous man isn’t eager to demonstrate his own masculinity by pointing out its antithesis whenever and wherever it is perceived. The magnanimous man is too secure to “protest too much,” whether it be claiming manliness or pointing out its opposite. 


We who care about cultivating biblical masculinity in our churches need to be on guard against such faux masculinity that has the appearance of godliness but lacks substance (see 2 Tim. 3:5). Real men don’t need to declare their manliness. A spirit of masculine magnanimity rises above the urge to broadcast itself. It is unaffected by petty insults. It is impervious yet correctable. It is firm but gentle. It is perceptive, but not unduly censorious. 


This is what magnanimity looks like, brothers. Let us cast pettiness aside and pursue a Christian spirit of sincere magnanimity. May it not be said of us, “The men doth protest too much, methinks.”


Rev. Aaron L. Garriott is managing editor of Tabletalk magazine, resident adjunct professor at Reformation Bible College in Sanford, Fla., and associate pastor at Spruce Creek Presbyterian Church in Port Orange, Fla. 


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<![CDATA[The High Calling of Biblical Fatherhood]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/the-high-calling-of-biblical-fatherhood678e66d4b9d52721d0d114b4Wed, 22 Jan 2025 13:36:03 GMTMichael Foster



Fatherhood Reflects God’s Fatherhood

Fatherhood isn’t just an earthly relationship—it’s a divine reflection. Ephesians 3:14-15 teaches that all fatherhood finds its source in God the Father. The Greek words patera (Father) and patria (family) highlight this connection. Earthly fathers represent the Heavenly Father, especially to their own households.


J.W. Alexander noted that a father’s spiritual life sets the tone for the entire family. If he is cold or indifferent, the whole house feels the chill. Fathers are thermostats—they set the spiritual temperature in the home.


C.S. Lewis once said that George MacDonald’s relationship with his father shaped his understanding of God. MacDonald learned that fatherhood is at the core of the universe. A godly father, through his daily actions, preaches a living sermon about God the Father. Conversely, the absence of godly fatherhood leaves a profound ache.


The Two Forms of Fatherlessness

Fatherlessness comes in two forms: absence and abdication.


An absent father may be gone due to death, abandonment, or unjust family court rulings. His empty chair at the dinner table speaks volumes. His absence leaves silence where there should be love and guidance.


An abdicating father is physically present but emotionally and mentally checked out. He’s distracted, disengaged, and distant. The dinner table chair isn’t empty, but the silence is just as loud.


Both scenarios provoke deep questions about fatherhood and, ultimately, about God Himself.


Do Not Provoke, But Instruct

Ephesians 6:4 gives fathers two commands—one negative, one positive:

  • “Do not provoke your children to anger.”

  • “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”


This is the core of fatherhood.


Do Not Provoke Your Children to Anger

Fathers are warned not to exasperate or embitter their children. Colossians 3:21 expands on this: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”


Provocation can take many forms, but three common ones are:

  1. The Exacting Father:This father demands perfection. He forgets his children are young, fragile, and fallen. He nitpicks and expects them to meet impossible standards. But Psalm 86:15 reminds us that God is “slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness.” Fathers must mirror this patience.

  2. The Fault-Finding Father:This father is always critical, rarely affirming. He highlights failures but ignores victories. Children under this type of father grow up weighed down by discouragement. Fathers must celebrate their children’s achievements, no matter how small, and model humility by confessing their own failures.

  3. The Fickle Father:This father is inconsistent. His expectations and rules change constantly. His children don’t know what’s required of them, and this breeds confusion and frustration. Fathers must lead with clear principles rather than an endless list of rules. Consistency brings stability.


John Calvin warns that harsh and unkind fathers lose their children’s hearts. Children naturally love and seek their father’s approval, but repeated denial of that approval hardens them.


Bring Them Up in Discipline and Instruction

The second half of Ephesians 6:4 gives the positive command: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

  • Discipline:Discipline isn’t just punishment—it’s correction and formation. The goal is not mere retribution but restoration. Biblical discipline is both firm and loving, guiding children back to the path of righteousness.

  • Instruction:Instruction requires words. Fathers must teach their children the truths of Scripture. But instruction isn’t just formal; it’s also informal. Deuteronomy 6:4-8 paints a picture of total-life discipleship—teaching happens at the table, on walks, at bedtime, and throughout everyday moments.


J.C. Ryle emphasizes the need for love in both discipline and instruction. Anger might scare a child into obedience, but love wins their hearts. Fear drives children into secrecy and hypocrisy. Love fosters openness and trust.


Fathers must cherish their children, showing affection and encouragement. A father who hugs his children, praises them, and listens to them builds their confidence and courage.


At the same time, Calvin warns against indulgence. Love must not prevent correction. Discipline without affection breeds resentment, but affection without discipline breeds entitlement.


The Example of a Father

Children are natural imitators. Paul understood this when he wrote, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 4:16). Fathers must model faith, repentance, and obedience. Children are always watching, and hypocrisy is poison to instruction.


Teaching combines words and example. Instruction explains, and example validates. If fathers teach one thing and live another, their teaching loses power.


Fathers must lead their children in repentance. When they fail—and they will—they must confess their sins to their children. This humility teaches children that grace is real and repentance is normal.


Practical Application of Instruction

Instruction happens both formally and informally:

  1. Formally: Family devotions, Scripture reading, and intentional teaching times. Fathers must prioritize these rhythms in their homes.

  2. Informally: Teaching happens in the in-between moments—after a movie, during a walk, or when the family sees an ambulance and stops to pray. Jesus discipled His followers along the road; fathers should do the same.


The Lifelong Call of Fatherhood

Fatherhood is not a short-term assignment—it’s the work of a lifetime. Fathers aren’t called to be perfect, but they are called to be faithful. Their children don’t need superheroes; they need real men who love God, love their families, and refuse to quit.


If fathers embrace their role, homes will grow strong. Strong homes build strong churches. Strong churches bring hope to society.


God works through imperfect men to accomplish great things. Fathers, your children don’t need a flawless dad—they need a Christian dad who keeps showing up, keeps leading, and keeps pointing them to their Heavenly Father.


This is your calling. Step into it with courage, humility, and love.


Michael Foster is the pastor of East River Church and a graduate of Greenville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. He and his wife, Emily, live with their eight children on a small farm in Batavia, OH.


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<![CDATA[Cultivating Martial Virtues for Spiritual War]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/cultivating-martial-virtues-for-spiritual-war6787b4d92dc8952d144c7d4dWed, 15 Jan 2025 13:20:39 GMTRobert Hasler


Imagine you were tasked with preparing for an impending battle. What would be your strategy? What kind of soldiers would you want?


They’re important questions, but not the first question. Before ever considering how you would win or with whom, first you would have to answer this fundamental question, What kind of war am I fighting? How you answer that question informs your answer for everything else.


The first time that I taught The Gospel of Mark, I had my students take out a piece of paper and answer a single question: What is the Gospel? 


This being a class of well-catechized teenagers from Reformed families, the answers were fairly predictable. Words like justification and atonement were ubiquitous. Each student had his or her own unique spin, but they all basically boiled down to a singular theme: Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins so I could have eternal life with him. 


Their responses to my prompt were not terribly surprising. In fact, it is a fairly common summary of the Gospel in most evangelical circles today. But, as I did with my class, let’s compare that definition against Jesus’s own words in the early verses of Mark’s Gospel:


“Now after John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God, and saying, ‘The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel’” (Mark 1:14-15).


Herman Ridderbos once said that the arrival of the kingdom of God is “the central theme of the whole New Testament revelation of God.” Why then does it so rarely get a passing mention in our Gospel presentations? In a word, our hermeneutics. It is so tempting to make our individual selves the central character of the Bible–as if all roads in Scripture culminate in my personal salvation by my personal Savior. 


While the ordo salutis and one’s individual justification are important, reading the Bible through such an individualist lens blinds us from appreciating the kingdom of God as the essential biblical theme that it is. In short, it causes us to misunderstand the kind of battle we’re in, and the second-order effects are enormous.


For example, limiting our conception of the Gospel to the forensic declaration of individual justification produces Christians with values and characteristics to match. The “cage-stage Calvinist” comes to mind who is overly bookish, pedantic, and argumentative largely because his hermeneutic requires him to be. 

But what if we understood our individual justification as one piece of a story bigger than ourselves? What if we understood it as one battle in a larger war? How might that change our character?


In his book Creation Regained, Al Wolters rightly expands our horizons to see the cosmic scope of the biblical story. From the Old Adam to the New Adam, the Bible describes an epic contest between two regimes, God and Satan, both of whom “lay claim to the whole of creation.” “Involved in the dispute between these two kingdoms are two sovereigns,” Wolters says, “who contend for the same territory and who lead two opposing armies into the field.”


As Colossians 1:13 confirms, our primary identity as Christians is that of enlistees into a spiritual army. “Our life is military,” said Thomas Watson, “Christ is our captain, the gospel is the banner, the graces are our spiritual artillery, and heaven is only taken in a forcible way.” 


When we understand that spiritual warfare is more than a metaphor–that it is a fundamental feature of reality–it should cause us to rethink what values we want to cultivate within ourselves and in our communities.


One such example is grit. Christians in a spiritual war need to be able to take a punch without losing the will to fight. Grit also encompasses the willingness to “rejoice in our sufferings” as Paul says in Romans 5:3. Gritty Christians rejoice in hardship because they know it’s the trials that produce and reveal true character and that God’s grace is sufficient when they fail. Having endured the worst the Enemy can throw at them, they rejoice with hope because they know they cannot be defeated so long as they are united by faith to Christ Jesus. 


We need grit for the internal battles of temptation and personal sin. We also need grit in the public square where Christians are increasingly maligned. When the culture accuses Christians of being morally backwards and prejudiced in a myriad of ways, will Christians have the grit to smile back and advance with love, faith, and hope in the Lord? 


Hand in hand with grit is courage. Exhortations to be courageous are common in many churches, but do we fully appreciate what it implies about the situation we’re in? Aristotle defined courage as the mean between fear and confidence. In other words, one can only be courageous when he fully understands the danger that surrounds him. I fear most Christians confuse courage with what Aristotle calls confidence–foolish disregard for the Enemy’s capabilities and tactics. There is no virtue in blindly rushing into every online scuffle, nor is it courageous to pretend as if the real spiritual battles being fought in our culture are unworthy of our time and effort. The good soldier picks his battles prudently but is courageous and decisive when the time to strike arises. 


Finally, Christian soldiers need to be loyal. It is the sweetest of blessings that we do not fight this spiritual war alone. In Ephesians 6, the seminal text on spiritual warfare, the Apostle Paul urges Christians to gear up for the fight ahead. There are six Greek imperatives (or participles functioning as imperatives) in Ephesians 6:10-20. Not one is singular. Every one of Paul’s orders are in the second-person plural form. In other words, God’s Word has no intention of commissioning a bunch of spiritual Rambos. Rather, it says that we fight together like a Greek phalanx. 


Loyalty has become something of a taboo in many evangelical circles. The culture pressures Christians to publicly condemn one another because of their voting patterns. Those who are most vociferous in their scorn are rewarded with seats at the most prestigious of tables. Others participate by sorting into churches and denominations where they won’t have to put up with undesirables. 


It is a problem that has plagued the church since its inception. We love the idea of the church but too often scorn those actually in it. Our disloyalty to one another for the sake of what we think is loyalty to Christ is a recipe for disaster. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it, “Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial.”


For better or worse, who we have is who we got. A house divided against itself cannot stand. An army too preoccupied with denouncing one another rather than setting its sights on the Enemy is an easy target. Of course, there will be times when an individual’s offense is so egregious, or the commitment to truth so great, that disassociation is necessary. But we should be extremely careful about applying checks on God’s electing grace. We don’t always get to choose who we share a foxhole with, but we are a band of brothers nonetheless.


As our hermeneutic grows to recognize our part in a larger spiritual war, martial virtues like grit, courage, and loyalty among others will grow in importance with it. Like any earthly army, we must train to fight, and that includes shaping soldiers to be the kind of soldiers who fight well. 


Robert Hasler is Assistant Pastor at Christ Presbyterian Church in Burke, Virginia. This post was also published at Real Clear Religion. This was used with permission from the author.


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<![CDATA[The Reforming Men Podcast: Introductions]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/the-reforming-men-podcast-introductions677fc697b15a08b7d58ed749Thu, 09 Jan 2025 12:54:07 GMTReforming Men


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<![CDATA[Who You Are in Christ]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/who-you-are-in-christ677d1d8fed55a999b23c45fcWed, 08 Jan 2025 13:28:05 GMTJohn V. Fesko


How do you measure your self-worth? This is a question, I suspect, that we all, from time to time, think about. You go about life, but then pause, and ask, “What’s the point of my work? What am I doing? Why?” These are certainly important questions to ask. I asked them of myself about twenty-five years ago—I prayed—and I decided to pursue ordained ministry. I love my vocation—I wake up early in the morning most days eager to tackle the next book I need to read. I can’t wait to learn new things about the Scriptures. I go to work most days excited to be able to teach students about God’s word. I believe I’m one of a small class of people in this life who get paid to do something they really love. I love my calling! I get paid to study the Bible! As much as I love my job, I always do my best to hold my calling loosely in my hands.


By God’s grace, I hold my calling loosely in my hands because I don’t want my sense of self-worth wrapped up in what I do, but rather, it needs to be defined by who I am. These two categories (who I am and what I do) overlap, but they are not synonymous. Let me explain. I once had surgery on my neck that could have paralyzed my vocal chords. I informed the surgeon, “I know you will, but please be careful. My voice is like a shovel for a ditch-digger. If I lose it, I can’t preach! I can’t lecture! I can’t work!” I laid down on the operating table praying, “Lord, if you take my voice from me, please grant me the grace to accept your good, acceptable, and perfect will for my life.” Blessedly, the surgeon was skillful and I still have my voice. If I had lost my voice, I would have retired from preaching and lecturing. I would have been devastated. But I kept on reminding myself, “I am not what I do. Christ defines who I am.”


This truth was forcefully impressed upon my heart by a story one of my ruling elders told me about. He told me about one of his fellow elders who served at another NAPARC church. This man was healthy, fit, married, and had a number of children, and was successful. In a freak accident the man was paralyzed from the neck down. He could never use his body again, was imprisoned in a wheelchair, and obviously he was no longer able to live his life as he previously knew it. This man, however, continued to serve as a ruling elder. My friend asked this man how he was doing, to which the paralyzed man responded: “I am serving Christ and being the best head I can be.” To me, the answer was stunning. The man was not wallowing in pity. He was not in a state of depression given all that he had lost. I can easily imagine that, were I in a similar circumstance, I would be very angry and bitter at God for robbing me of my life. Yet this paralyzed man ultimately did not define himself by what he did but who he was in Christ. Given his union with Christ, his life was ultimately defined by what Christ had him do. I’m sure this man has days where he gets depressed and mourns over his circumstances, but I believe in the end he knows to whom he must look in order to find joy. In Paul’s words, whether in plenty or want, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Phil. 4:11-13).


So, then, how do you define who you are? Are you a father? Are you a businessman? Are you an athlete? What happens when your children grow up and leave home? What happens if your business fails? What happens when the crowds no longer cheer? Have you now ceased to be who you think you’re supposed to be? Or are you united to Christ, dear and precious in his sight, one for whom he laid down his life, that you might live, who also happens to be a mom, businessman, or athlete? So often people retire at the end of their lives and they have a sense of loss because they don’t know what to do. They defined themselves by their jobs that they are lost without them. The same holds true for married couples. Once the children grow up and leave home, husband and wife don’t know how to live together because they no longer spend their days primarily as mom and dad. In the absence of what they know, they become lost, and in being lost, they give up. They get divorced.


Remember, what you do in life is not the same thing as who you are. Define who you are by your union with Christ—everything else in this life may come and go, but who you are in Christ is eternal.


Dr. John Fesko is an OPC minister and is professor of systematic and historical theology at Reformed Theological Seminary in Jackson, Mississippi.


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<![CDATA[Men Need Godly Examples]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/men-need-godly-examples67753de32232decda575ecf6Wed, 01 Jan 2025 13:10:31 GMTJosh Reagan



In his letter to the Philippians, Paul calls the church to joyful,godly living in light of the gospel. His words about Timothy and Epaphroditus in Philippians 2:19–30 show us what it looks like to put this into practice. Paul is in prison, and the Philippian church, worried about him, sent Epaphroditus to deliver a gift and minister to his needs. Along the journey, Epaphroditus became deathly ill, and news of this made its way back to the church. Paul is writing to comfort them, sharing his hope to send Timothy soon and expressing confidence that he himself will come to them again.


Paul’s deep concern for the church reflects Christ’s own concern for His people. If your faith is in Christ, you are united to Him and all other believers by the Holy Spirit, and He is deeply concerned for your spiritual well-being. The Lord uses everyday men in the church to meet spiritual and physical needs. We are lights in a dark culture, marked by selfish ambition and radical individualism. Godly examples like Timothy and Epaphroditus encourage us and show us the way forward.


Timothy: A Selfless Servant

Timothy was well known to the Philippian church. Born to a Jewish mother and Greek father, he was taught the Scriptures by his mother and grandmother, whose efforts remind us that God uses His Word to save sinners, even when our efforts seem small and futile (family worship, catechizing, etc.). Timothy joined the apostle Paul on missionary journeys, witnessing conversions like Lydia’s and sharing in the joys and struggles of everyday ministry.


Paul says in verses 20–22: “I have no one like him (Timothy), who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare. For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. But you know Timothy’s proven worth.” Timothy was Paul’s son in the faith. This relationship raises a question: To whom are you a spiritual son? We need examples to follow. To whom are you a spiritual father? We need to be examples.


Timothy learned from Paul’s example of care and concern for the church. For the pastors reading: Are we truly concerned for the people God has entrusted to us? Guarding sound doctrine is a vital part of that, but if that is all that we do, we risk becoming like the Pharisees, always looking for a fight. Are we willing to be inconvenienced for the sake of others? Timothy’s journey to Philippi would have been a major inconvenience. It would have been an arduous journey—over 800 miles by land and sea. Surely, we can take a trip across town, visit a hospital, make a phone call, or sit with a grieving family. Ministry is costly, but Christ’s grace is sufficient for the task.


Timothy’s example challenges all of us, not just pastors. His selflessness didn’t come naturally—he was young, fearful, and insecure. Paul had to remind him, “God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Tim. 1:7). Like Timothy, we are called to speak into others’ lives, even when it’s uncomfortable. Does your concern for the glory of Christ and the souls of believers outweigh your fear of an awkward encounter? Follow Timothy’s example. Be that example to others.


Epaphroditus: A Suffering Soldier

Unlike Timothy, Epaphroditus was not a prominent figure in ministry. His background was pagan, reflected in his name, which comes from the Greek goddess Aphrodite. At some point, he heard the gospel, believed, and was saved. His “credentials” were simple: He was a faithful Christian man willing to serve.


Epaphroditus was sent by the Philippian church to bring a monetary gift to Paul. Along the way, he became gravely ill. Paul says three times in a few verses that he was near death. Despite this, he pressed on, prioritizing Paul’s well-being and the advancement of the gospel over his own life. What an example to follow! What an example to be!


Paul describes this man as “my brother, fellow worker, and fellow soldier.” These titles reveal deep affection and respect for this everyday man. As Christians, we are a true family, united by the Spirit. We are co-laborers in the mission of the church and fellow soldiers engaged in a spiritual battle. Epaphroditus’s example reminds us that there are no insignificant Christian men. Each of us has a role to play in the advancement of the gospel, using the gifts the Spirit has given us.


The journey for Epaphroditus was long and difficult, yet his primary concern was not for himself but for the Philippian church. Paul tells us that Epaphroditus was distressed because the church was distressed over his condition. He longed to return to them to reassure them of his recovery. This selflessness is countercultural. Do we long to be with one another as Epaphroditus did, or is church just another box to check off the list? Let us pray that God would give us the longing for Him and the longing for one another that we see in Epaphroditus.


The Ultimate Example

What motivated Timothy and Epaphroditus to live such selfless lives? Quite simply, it was their faith in Jesus Christ. There is no greater example of selfless living than that of Jesus Christ, who laid His life down for His brothers. His journey was far more treacherous than a trip from Rome to Philippi; He went from heaven to the grave through the cursed cross. He didn’t come near to death but actually died. Jesus endured the wrath of God on the cross and drank the cup of staggering to the dregs. Throughout His earthly ministry, He knew He’d endure God’s wrath, but He “set His face like flint toward Jerusalem.” Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame, for the joy that was set before Him—the joy of leading many sons and daughters to glory.


Men, let us set our faces like flint on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Let us follow His example and lay our lives down for one another.


Josh Reagan is the Associate Pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Greenwood, MS and serves as an editor with Reforming Men.


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<![CDATA[Don’t Waste Your Marriage]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/don-t-waste-your-marriage676af61cd3ed4aacad17d40aWed, 25 Dec 2024 12:21:02 GMTBen Ratliff


In today’s culture, marriage is little more than a mutual agreement to share a life and expenses while grinding away at work and playing hard on the weekend. A partnership of convenience, stripped of higher purpose, with mutual affection, or even love, mixed in.


You know this couple. You may be this couple. They got married to be married. Both work full time, their lives revolve around jobs that fund their weekends. No children are planned or desired. Their union lacks a calling beyond the here and now. Their days stretch into weekends, which stretch back into workweeks. And on it goes—a cycle without cause. It’s not a marriage; it’s a contract with no enduring purpose.


This trend is far too common, even among Christians. The problem isn’t that these couples lack love or respect for one another. The problem is deeper: a loss of vision for what marriage is meant to be. When stripped of its God-given purpose, marriage becomes a hollow shell, unable to deliver fulfillment and incapable of honoring God.


But it doesn’t have to be this way. God designed marriage for a purpose far greater than comfort or companionship. Embracing these purposes is the key to flourishing in marriage and glorifying the One who designed it.


Marriage is Ordained for the Mutual Help of Husband and Wife

God saw Adam alone in the garden and said it was not good. He made Eve, a helper fit for him (Genesis 2:18). From the start, marriage was about companionship, about two people working together through life’s trials and joys. A husband and wife were made to complement each other, to be stronger together than apart.


Paul tells husbands to love their wives like they love their own bodies (Ephesians 5:28). Peter says to live with them in understanding and honor, as co-heirs of life’s grace (1 Peter 3:7). Marriage is not a competition. It’s a partnership, a shared life. A husband cares for his wife, and she follows him as they run after the task God has given them.


Marriage is Ordained for the Increase of Mankind with Legitimate Issue and of the Church with an Holy Seed

“Be fruitful and multiply,” God told Adam (Genesis 1:28). After the flood, He told Noah the same (Genesis 9:1). Marriage isn't just to fill empty days or satisfy lonely hearts. It is to fill the earth with life, to bring new generations into the world.


Malachi asks, “What was the one God seeking? Godly offspring” (Malachi 2:15). Children are not burdens; they are blessings. They are the future of the Church. In marriage, God calls couples to raise them in faith, teaching them to know and love Him. A godly family grows not just in numbers but in devotion to the Lord.


Marriage Ordained for Preventing of Uncleanness

Paul doesn’t sugarcoat it: “Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband” (1 Corinthians 7:2). Marriage sets boundaries for desire. It keeps passion where it belongs—within the covenant of marriage.


“For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:9) Marriage guards against sin, but it’s more than a safeguard. It’s a place where love and purity grow. A husband and wife, bound together, honor God in their union. This is not just about avoiding wrong. It’s about living right, together.


To the Men

I hope these points are helpful for those married and those desiring to be married. But my main exhortation is to the men reading this. I know too well that wrong desire to make marriage all about self. I put off children longer than I should have. I lived a life that was easy and simple— I got to eat out and buy stuff and have sex. I lived for my own convenience and desires. And in this I failed as a man. I failed as a husband. 


Men, pay attention: don’t waste your marriage. Don’t settle for a life of comfort and consumption. You were made for more than this. Your marriage was made for more than this.


Start Here

Evaluate Your Priorities. Look at your schedule, your bank account, your dreams. Are you living for fleeting pleasures or eternal purposes? Are you building a life that honors God, or just coasting through the week?


(If needed) Rethink Having Children. Reject the culture’s disdain for children. They are not interruptions to your marriage; they are the purpose of it.


Lead with Vision. Sit down with your wife. Pray together. Ask God to reveal how He wants to use your marriage for His glory. Dream together about how you can live out His purposes.


Aim Higher. Reject the aimlessness of a worldly marriage. Instead, embrace the divine purposes of marriage. Build a union that reflects the gospel, nurtures life, and glorifies God.


It’s never too late to realign your marriage with God’s vision. His grace is sufficient to restore and renew. 


Start today. Pray. Seek His will. And then, by God’s grace, live it out. 


Don’t waste your marriage. Make it count.


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<![CDATA[The Valiant Men Arose]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/the-valiant-men-arose676346652dd8c0b4a66a1724Wed, 18 Dec 2024 22:11:17 GMTMatt Adams


Recently, I have been studying the biblical books of 1-2 Samuel. At the end of the first narrative (1 Samuel 31), after Saul and his sons are killed in battle, out trots "the valiant men" who secure Saul's and his sons' bodies from the enemy. These valiant men caught my attention and have proved to be thought-provoking. Why did they risk so much and travel so far to take back their king's body from the Philistines? Powerfully, they could no longer stand for their Lord to be mocked. 


Here is how the narrative unfolds: 

1 Now the Philistines were fighting against Israel, and the men of Israel fled before the Philistines and fell slain on Mount Gilboa. 2 And the Philistines overtook Saul and his sons, and the Philistines struck down Jonathan and Abinadab and Malchi-shua, the sons of Saul. 3 The battle pressed hard against Saul, and the archers found him, and he was badlywounded by the archers. 4 Then Saul said to his armor-bearer, "Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and mistreat me." But his armor-bearer would not, for he feared greatly. Therefore, Saul took his own sword and fell upon it. 5 And when his armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he also fell upon his sword and died with him. 6 Thus Saul died, and his three sons, and his armor-bearer, and all his men, on the same day together. 7 And when the men of Israel who were on the other side of the valley and those beyond the Jordan saw that the men of Israel had fled and that Saul and his sons were dead, they abandoned their cities and fled. And the Philistines came and lived in them.

8 The next day, when the Philistines came to strip the slain, they found Saul and his three sons fallen on Mount Gilboa. 9 So they cut off his head and stripped off his armor and sent messengers throughout the land of the Philistines, to carry the good news to the house of their idols and to the people. 10 They put his armor in the temple of Ashtaroth, and they fastened his body to the wall of Beth-shan. 11 But when the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead heard what the Philistines had done to Saul, 12 all the valiant men arose and went all night and took the body of Saul and the bodies of his sons from the wall of Beth-shan, and they came to Jabesh and burned them there. 13 And they took their bones and buried them under the tamarisk tree in Jabesh and fasted seven days.


What a sobering and heart-wrenching scene! The first two verses reveal the weightiness of the narrative. Israel has fallen. The king and his rightful heirs are dead. Their bodies stolen by the Philistines and spiked to the wall in Beth-shan. You ought to be feeling the sadness of the story. Israel has been crushed by her enemies. Yet, there is more…God is being mocked by the Philistines. 


Surely, as the enemy messengers are going about their people telling of their victory over Israel, they are mocking the Lord. This isn't just a battle that has been waging between the nations of Israel and Philistia, there is a spiritual element to this story. Seemingly, YHWH (the LORD) has been defeated by the many idols of Philistia. The head of Saul, the Lord's anointed king, is being carried about the enemy nation for a gory show-and-tell. Saul's armor is placed in a temple built for the worship of false gods. All signs seem to be pointing to the final defeat of YHWH, and just to show as many people as possible, the bodies of Saul and his three sons are spiked to the wall for the world to see. It is a complete mockery of the Lord. 


It is in the heaviness of God's name being disgraced when we see these "valiant men" who are determined to get these four bodies off of the wall. Their Lord will not be mocked any longer. So, they set out on an all-night journey from Jabesh-gilead to Beth-shan to retrieve these mutilated bodies. They bravely travel around twenty miles roundtrip into enemy territory, and they remove the bodies of their king and his sons. The strength, boldness, and courage on display here are impressive to see, and it is motivated by a dogmatic determination that their Lord will not be mocked any longer.


Some commentators like to focus on Saul's military intervention on behalf of Jabesh-gilead against the Ammonites as the motivating factor of these courageous men's actions. And surely, there was gratitude in their hearts for Saul's saving acts for them. Yet, the bravery displayed here is absolutely motivated by more than gratitude. The motivation is spiritual in nature. These brave men are determined to honor the Lord; they are jealous for their God's praise. The enemy will not deride YHWH, and they will not proclaim that their idols have trumped their Lord. Those bodies would absolutely come down off of that wall. 


Believing that these men's actions were only motivated by gratitude misses the mark. Every citizen of the Kingdom of Israel would be motivated out of gratitude for their king; therefore, every Israelite was in utter despair hearing of Saul's death. But the narrator targets these valiant men and their actions because they knew there was something more egregious taking place: worse than Israel's military defeat is their Lord's disgrace. So, they acted. 


In a way, the actions of the Philistines are not surprising. Of course, the enemy would mock God. They hate him. They hate his people. Of course, they would want to prove their victory and tell of their dominance over Israel. They would take great pleasure in holding the head of the Lord's king and proclaiming their idols' victory over the God of Israel. That's how the world works. The world is not neutral to the things of God. The world stands in utter animosity towards him. They despise him, his ways, and his people. They deride his name and ridicule his people. So, no, the actions of the Philistines should not catch you by surprise, but that doesn't mean that you don't have the duty to stand up for your Lord. 


John Calvin has a great quote, "A dog barks when his master is attacked. I would be a coward if I saw that God's truth is attacked and yet would remain silent."


I know that we are often reminded in the scriptures that we are sojourners in a sin-filled land (1 Peter 1:17-23) and that the world will hate us because it hated Christ first (John 15:18-27), but does this mean that we are not to speak out when our Lord's name is disgraced? No. We are God's people who desire for his name to be hallowed amongst the nations. The Heidelberg Catechism, question 122, says that when we pray for God's name to be hallowed, we desire that God's name would not "be blasphemed but honored and praised."


Surely, the hallowing of God's name motivated the valiant men of 1 Samuel 31. God's name would not be further blasphemed under their watch. May we have the same motivation, not only to pray for the name of the Lord to be honored and praised but to courageously arise and work for that end among the nations. 


Matt Adams is the senior minister of First Presbyterian Church in Dillon, SC, and serves as an editor for Reforming Men. This article originally appeared on his Substack.

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<![CDATA[A Matter of the Heart]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/a-matter-of-the-heart67586693954d4a2c1404f2adWed, 11 Dec 2024 12:54:53 GMTBen Ratliff


Imagine standing before God, not with your Sunday best or your list of accomplishments, but with your heart laid bare. What would He see? This isn't about accolades or outward show; it's about who you are. In Romans 2:28-29, Paul strips away the facade, challenging us to consider what it really means to be a man of God. 


Romans 2:28-29 (ESV) 28 For no one is a Jew who is merely one outwardly, nor is circumcision outward and physical.29 But a Jew is one inwardly, and circumcision is a matter of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter. His praise is not from man but from God.


This passage makes it clear that external rituals or appearances mean little without a transformation of the heart. Matthew Henry rephrases it with the New Testament believer in mind: "He is not a Christian that is one outwardly, nor is that baptism which is outward in the flesh; but he is a Christian that is one inwardly, and baptism is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter."


The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart. Being part of God's covenant isn't just about external acts like baptism or church attendance. It's about an inward renewal, about worshiping God in spirit and truth. 


Paul concludes verse 29 by noting: His praise is not from man but from God. This is a direct critique of seeking human approval over divine acceptance.


In his commentary on Romans, John Fesko says of this last line: "People in any age can fall into formalism,” and then he quotes from Dutch theologian Wilhelmus à Brakel:

“We practice this when in the engagement of religious exercise we have ourselves in view so that we may be honored by men. This occurs when a minister stirs up his gifts, appears to be filled with the spirit in prayer, preaches with much fire, but with all this, his objective is to be esteemed as godly and learned and to have the praise and esteem of the people. How abominable! This occurs when a person faithfully comes to church and sits there gravely and attentively in order to gain the reputation of being pious, or sings to let his voice be heard and how well he knows the tune. This also occurs when one sighs loudly during prayer, and makes worshipful and even foolish gestures in order  to be seen and heard. This takes place when a  person puts on a show of being very attentive during  the sermon, while in the meantime, he is secretly looking about to observe whether others see him. It  is also the case when one casts but little in the  basket of the deacon and is desirous that it sounds as  if it were a great gift. In one word, hypocrisy is to  create the appearance of serving God while in  reality having men in view, and thus one’s self.”


Men, we are often judged by our achievements, our roles, and our outward strength. But here's a call to look inward:


Spiritual Disciplines: Make spiritual disciplines part of your routine, not just for public display. Set a consistent time each day for personal prayer and Scripture reading, even if it's just 10 minutes. Use this time to meditate on how the Bible applies to your life. Consider memorizing a verse each week to carry with you. 


Mentorship and Accountability: Actively seek out a mentor who has demonstrated a strong inward faith, and meet regularly, perhaps once a month, to discuss life, faith, and Scripture. Set specific, measurable goals for your spiritual growth, like reading through a book of the Bible together, tackling a particular sin, or challenge in your life. This should be more than a friendship— it should be a relationship where you're encouraged to live out your faith authentically, even when no one is watching.


Leadership: As men tasked with leading families and communities, start each day with prayer for guidance, not just for action. Practice leading by listening and learning from those you lead, showing them through your actions what it means to follow Christ. For instance, set aside time weekly for family devotions where you discuss scripture together, fostering an environment where faith is lived out, not just talked about.


Men, let us seek the righteousness of God, which is through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. May we be true worshippers, focused not on the praise of men but on the approval of God.


Ben Ratliff is the Associate Pastor at Covenant Presbyterian Church in Cleveland, MS and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.


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<![CDATA[Strength Tethered to Virtue]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/strength-tethered-to-virtue6750579f49c1286ac2d65bf5Wed, 04 Dec 2024 14:00:35 GMTScott Davis


Turn on the TV, scroll social media, and read a magazine or newspaper. Although quite common today, you'll see a phrase that would have been foreign to us just a few years ago. "Toxic Masculinity."


Is this just a certain type of masculinity? If cotton candy is a type of candy, and if diet soda is a type of soda, then the prophets of the world would have us believe that "toxic masculinity" is a certain variety of masculinity. In fact, they will argue that it is the most common variety.

Is this true?


In 1 Corinthians 16, one of Paul's closing admonitions is, "Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong." If we received that admonition today, I'm afraid we'd have to ask, "What kind of men should we act like?" But Paul assumes that when he says "act like men," his hearers know what it means. Paul assumes that manhood is manhood. If he's right (and he is), what is manhood? What is masculinity?


"A gracious woman gets honor, and violent men get riches.

A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion."

(Proverbs 11:16-17, 22)


Is this saying that women should be gracious so that they can receive honor and that men should be violent so they can become rich? No, there's quite a bit more going on here.

God made men, and God made women. He made them different from one another. And their differences are a gloriously good thing. Men ought not to be like women. And women ought not to be like men.


The conflation of the differences forfeits the goodness of God's design for a badly hacked modern spin on manhood and womanhood that doesn't serve us or our society well. 

God has made men physically strong. And they possess that physical strength in a manner and measure in which women do not. God has made women beautiful, gracious, and nurturing. And they possess those qualities in ways in which men do not. But, because men are sinful and women are sinful- those attributes utilized wrongly are dangerous and destructive.


A man who uses his strength to protect the weak, run toward the sound of gunfire, or go into a burning building to rescue someone is using his God-given strength in a way that blesses his neighbor. A man who crouches in the bushes to victimize a woman and overpower her is using his strength wickedly. His is the same physical strength but utilized in a wicked manner. Men must be instructed to use their strengths to serve their neighbors.


Consider verse 16 from two other translations:

The New Living Translation (NLT): A gracious woman gains respect, but ruthless men gain only wealth.

The New International Version (NIV): A kindhearted woman gains honor, but ruthless men gain only wealth.


This style of writing in Proverbs is what theologians call antithetical parallelism. 


What is the thesis? A gracious or kindhearted woman gains honor or respect. 


What is the antithesis or opposite? A cruel man, or a man using his strength ruthlessly, gains only riches. In other words, he gains no honor. He gains no righteousness. He is taking what God has given him and using it cruelly.


Men will be strong. God made them strong. The question is: Will they exercise that strength in a righteous, wise manner to the benefit of their neighbor, or will they exercise that strength in a cruel, ruthless way to enrich no one but themselves?


That contrast of how men's strength can be misused or appropriately used helps us understand what's going on in verse 22: "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion."


The NLT has: "A beautiful woman who lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout."

The Christian Standard Bible (CSB) uses: "A beautiful woman who rejects good sense is like a gold ring in a pig's snout."


Remember that this is written to a Hebrew audience. For the Hebrews, pigs were not the wonderful creatures that give us bacon and pulled pork. Instead, they were unclean animals with no value.


Men can sinfully use their strength, and verse 22 says that women can sinfully or foolishly utilize their beauty.


A man who bullies or rapes or abuses his spouse is wielding his masculinity in a "toxic fashion." That is a fair use of the word 'toxic.' But true masculinity is nothing of the sort. In fact, what such a man is doing is not masculine at all. It is just brute strength. He's not being masculine; he uses his physical strength to destroy.


Why does Solomon need his sons to know this? They're sinners who need to be shown how to wisely employ their strength in service to their neighbor.


But, what else do Solomon's sons need to know? They need to know: A beautiful woman without discretion is like a gold ring in a pig's snout. The English translation softens the original Hebrew. It doesn't say a woman without discretion is like or similar to a gold ring in a pig's snout. They say a woman without discretion IS a gold ring in a pig's snout.


In Solomon's day, young men could be guilty of placing all their criteria for choosing a woman on just her physical beauty. A young man would let the fact that a woman was beautiful overshadow any character flaws she may have possessed. Never mind that she was foolish, a scoffer, lazy, promiscuous, or an unbeliever. If she was pretty, that would be all that a young man would take into consideration. Sound familiar?


That also played itself out in other ways. There were women who could focus on nothing but their external beauty and believing that characteristic alone was all that mattered. 

So, what does all of this mean?


I contend that masculinity properly exercised isn't toxic. Instead, strength without virtue is toxic. Strength untethered from virtue and love of neighbor is toxic. It is a brick thrown through a window. It is a man who is a predator. It is a spousal abuser.


Likewise, a woman who utilizes her beauty in a way that is not tethered to virtue or discretion is "toxic."


How are men capable of being toxic? By being bullies or predators or destructively exercising their God-given strength.


How are women capable of being "toxic"? By using their beauty in a manner that is untethered from virtue. It looks like promiscuity. It looks like parading the beauty of their physical appearance in an inappropriate way.


Remember Solomon's earlier contrast in Proverbs between lady wisdom and the adulterous woman? One used her feminine qualities to benefit her community and household, while the other used her physical attractiveness in a wicked manner.


Let us stand firm on a proper definition of masculinity and manhood. Manhood is strength tethered to virtue.



Scott Davis is the pastor of Hope Presbyterian Church in Hot Springs, Arkansas.


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<![CDATA[The Duty of Fathers and the Second Commandment]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/the-duty-of-fathers-and-the-second-commandment67470f96ab2e23aa5735cbd0Wed, 27 Nov 2024 12:32:08 GMTSean Morris


Hopefully, we are familiar with the Second Commandment, “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth” (Ex. 20:4). Furthermore, in our Reformed circles, we understand that we have a more robust understanding of this commandment than most other traditions, especially when we consider what this commandment requires and forbids. It is not only that we are not to make any modern-day "golden calves" to worship (Ex. 32), but the Second Commandment commands us to only worship God in the ways prescribed in his Word. This is commonly called the regulative principle of worship.


The Westminster Larger Catechism, question 109, states, “The sins forbidden in the Second Commandment are, all devising, counseling, commanding, using, and anywise approving, any religious worship not instituted by God himself.”

In considering the duties commanded and the sins forbidden in the Second Commandment, though, we would also do well to note the promise accompanying the command. 


Consider Exodus 20:5-6: “I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments." There’s a promise of both judgment and grace. 


We often struggle with this commandment, especially the promise of judgment, because it seems unfair. Notice that four generations are visited with the iniquity of their fathers. And yet, despite our discomfort, we must admit that we have seen its reality play out. Some of you have seen this in your own families, or maybe in families of your relatives or neighbors, where patterns of rebellion crop up, generation after generation. This commandment reveals the heart issue behind this generational sin – false worship.


When we read this command, we should feel a healthy fear and trembling. Consider the prospect: What happens if I play fast and loose with God, with who He is? What happens if I disregard His Word and, rather than trying to bring my life into conformity with His Word, try to accommodate God to my preferences?


It reminds me of Voltaire’s famous quote, “In the beginning, God created man in His own image, and man has been trying to repay the favor ever since." John Calvin writes that our “hearts are a perpetual idol factory.” We all worship, but the Second Commandment instructs us to only worship God by how he desires to be worshipped. 


To worship falsely is dangerous, and the Second Commandment helps us see that the danger is not just for our souls but for our household and generations to come. 


This is where parenting demands to be mentioned. What will the inheritance be that you leave to your children? Will we love God and love him the way he has instructed? Will our children see us praising Christ, confessing sin, repenting for our failed ways, and striving to follow him in the newness of life…or will they not?


Be sure to complete the application, especially for fathers. As the spiritual head of your house, note the warning. Your worship, whether God-centered, biblically regulated, or idol worship, will have generational implications.  


Dads, it is our task to pursue the hearts of our children—will we teach them the truth and point them to Christ? Will we model godliness and faithfulness for them? Will we pray with and for them? Will we ensure that we are with them in that place God has ordained, Lord’s Day by Lord’s Day, to hear His Word proclaimed? Will we strive to have them in a household of faith that worships God in the ways that he has prescribed? This is our great calling.

 

Men, this application is not only for those dads who are raising young children. As a grandfather, you still greatly influence your family and the generations after you. Even if you are a single man in the church, you are still a father figure to the covenant children in the congregation. You vowed at these children’s baptism to assist their parents in rearing them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The covenant children look up to you. 


I am so thankful for how other men have modeled love for Christ to my own children. I love to hear my kiddos talk about people in our church who aren’t related to us. “Dad, you should have heard Mr. Jones praying today. It was great. Dad, did you see Mr. Lane singing in worship today? You could tell he loved it.” 


Brothers, you are real fathers in the faith to our covenant children, even if they are not your blood relation. Model the worship of Christ to the children in the congregation. The young dads in your church will love you for it. They need help in leaving a legacy of faith to a thousand generations by loving God and keeping his commands.


Sean Morris serves as the associate minister of Covenant Presbyterian Church of Oak Ridge Tennessee.


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<![CDATA[Confess Like a Man]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/confess-like-a-man673f2d758ad25d6efb0f4787Thu, 21 Nov 2024 12:58:35 GMTNate Xanders


Have you ever been taught how to confess your sin like a man?


By that, I mean that we are churchmen, not church mice.


So, why do so many of us confess our sins like hamsters falling off the wheel or lab rats making a break for it after getting out of the cage?  


When men confess their sins, they are either too prideful to make a clear statement about their sin—just waiting for the moment to be over so they can get out of the room (the rat making a break for it). Or they are ignorant of what to say or how to say it (the poor hamster looking lost and stumbling off his own wheel). 


Here, we will tackle the issue of ignorance. I think many men today did not have fathers or church elders who explicitly instructed them in how to confess their sin. I can only equip you with a biblical understanding of how to confess your sin—I cannot grow a spine for you. But if you have a backbone at the bottom of that brain of yours, this is how to confess your sin. This is the cure for your Hamster Syndrome:


{These are The 7 A’s of Confession from Peacemaker Ministries. These principles are derived from Matthew 7.3-5, 1 John 1.8-9, and Proverbs 28.13. The elaboration of each point is my own.}


1. Address everyone involved. Our sin offends others. When we sin, we should address both God and man. God is always offended by our sin, but from sin to sin, who else we harmed will vary. Thoughtfully consider who was impacted and address them. Consider WCF 15.6: “As every man is bound to make private confession of his sins to God…he that scandalizes his brother, or the church of Christ, ought to be willing, by a private or public confession, and sorrow for his sin, to declare his repentance to those that are offended…”


2. Avoid words like “if, but, maybe.” No qualifiers, no blame shifting. You took no prisoners when you sinned. So, don’t turn around and nerf your confession—don’t soften the blow. Stand tall in the pocket and have the gumption to deliver your confession rightly. It is more shameful to softly confess than to bear the humiliation of extreme ownership.  Do not point the finger at other people. God will deal with their sin later—this is about your sin.


3. Admit specifically. WCF 15.5 says, “Men ought not to content themselves with a general repentance, but it is every man’s duty to endeavor to repent of his particular sins, particularly.” We cannot just say, “I sinned,” and then try to move on. We are guilty of specific transgressions and iniquities. What are they? People should not hear your confession and wonder, “What exactly are we supposed to be forgiving you for? I’m not sure what you did.” You owned the sin while doing it—own the sin while confessing.


4. Acknowledge the hurt. In addition to considering who we impacted by our sin, we need to consider how much and in what manner it affected them. There is a chasm between saying, “I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt by what I did” and the truth of the matter, which sounds more like this: “I sinned against you. I broke your trust, I betrayed you, I broke this promise or that one. I can see how anxious and disturbed you have been by this: you have lost sleep, you have wept, you have lost your appetite, you questioned your sanity or your salvation...Because of my sin, you have been [insert specifics here].” 


5. Accept the consequences. Grace is magnificent. It’s simply unbelievable. The forgiveness and mercy of Jesus covers our sins, and because of his righteousness, we can have eternal blessing in glory. All of that is true, and yet there can still be earthly consequences: church censure, job loss, demotions, financial cost, and so on and so forth. There are earthly, temporal consequences even though our heavenly, eternal position is secured in and by Christ. Some people just cannot seem to square this in their minds: some act as if redemption is impossible. While others seem to think that claiming the blood Jesus means that they get to avoid the pain of their sin here on earth. Both are errors. Accept the just and equitable consequences of your actions. 


6. Alter your behavior. Years ago, I encountered a man who would try to use the phrase, “I’m a sinner, I repent” like a trump card to end the conversation about his actions and how they affected others. That is not true confession. Confession and repentance go together like peanut butter and jelly with the Gospel promises being the bread. A good confession is lived out—the thought pattern, the desires, and the actions that led to the sin must be left behind. And it is not a magical, momentary, one-time event. There is a grace driven striving that must be undertaken. We will likely continue to wrestle with the underlying sin and temptation. But by the presence and power of the Spirit, we can walk in repentance. “Repentance unto life is an evangelical grace…By it, a sinner…upon the apprehension of his mercy in Christ to such as are penitent, so grieves for, and hates his sins, as to turn from them all unto God, purposing and endeavoring to walk with him in all the ways of his commandments.” (WCF 15.1-2)


7. Ask for forgiveness. If all that you say is: “I’m sorry”—you are hedging your bet. You are protecting yourself. Saying, “I am sorry, will you forgive me?” allows the other person to say something painful: “I do not forgive you.” It is painful to ask for forgiveness. And the degree to which we shield ourselves from that pain, we rob ourselves from the potential blessing of being forgiven. Asking for forgiveness opens you up to pain, but also to the unrivaled experience of being forgiven.  


Brother, as you read this, please know that I write as a man who has not perfected these principles, nor have I always done confession well. I write as a man who has a great need to practice these elements of confession, and I have been blessed by applying them. There is so much freedom in Christ, and confessing sin this way motivates us to greater holiness, and it helps us experience the deep love of the Father. As we grow in our understanding of our own sinfulness, we grow in our understanding of God’s grace. When we fail to properly confess our sin, we rob ourselves of the joy that accompanies being forgiven by God and also our fellow man.


Nate Xanders is the pastor of Christ the King Church (PCA) in Louisville, TN and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.

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<![CDATA[A Man and His Legacy]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/a-man-and-his-legacy6734e966ef5a5fae8367b0b9Wed, 13 Nov 2024 18:08:25 GMTMatt Adams


When considering Biblical manhood, we quickly think about the here and now. How can I love my wife more like Christ loved the Church (Eph. 5:25)? How can I best train my child up in the way they should go (Prov. 22:6)? How do I diligently labor for the glory of God at my job (Ecc. 9:10)? How do I display Christlikeness in the city square, applying biblical wisdom in society (2 Cor. 10:5)? 


These questions are excellent and necessary for us, and you may find it helpful to think about them even now. However, as men, we cannot be so captivated by these questions that we neglect to consider the future. We must consider the legacy that we are creating for future generations. What we do now, how we love our families, work carefully, and exhibit holiness sets the tone for the generations who will come after us. 


A Negative Example

Often, examples of how not to do something are more helpful to me. Seeing the lasting results of poor decisions gives me severe warnings, which then motivates me to strive even more toward obedience. 


A glaring example in the Old Testament concerns a man who did not consider how his failings to be a biblical man would impact his legacy. His name is King David. I am sure that you are familiar with his story. He was anointed king of Israel by the prophet Samuel, and jealousy overwhelmed King Saul, who repeatedly attempted to kill his God-ordained successor. Ultimately, David took the throne, and the Lord enabled him to be a mighty man of valor and a good king. Yet, David was not perfect; he wrestled with the world, his flesh, and the devil (Ja. 3:15). We even know the sin that he committed as he took Bathsheba as his wife and had her husband, Uriah the Hittite, murdered on the front lines of battle. However, our remembrance of his failure usually stops there, but there were lasting repercussions due to his iniquity. 


In 2 Samuel 13, we read about David's son, Amnon, lusting over his half-sister, Tamar. Amnon, quite frankly, sexually desires her. Therefore, he devises a plan to have his way with her. He pretends to be sick, has Tamar bring food into his room, in her vulnerability, rapes her, and then sends her away in disgust. He has taken what he desired and is now done with her. Tamar is ashamed of what has happened, and their brother, Absalom, plans vengeance against Amnon for what he has done. Absalom harbors hatred of his brother for two years and ultimately devises his plan to murder him, flees, and sets his eyes on stealing the throne away from his father. 


This story sounds like a dramatic television series, but it is historically true. Even more, it turns our stomachs to read, and it should. The sins of rape and murder are gripping and disgusting; the proper response is to find the narrative repulsive. Nevertheless, we must think about it. In his commentary on 2 Samuel, Dr. Dale Ralph Davis asks, "Where did David's sons learn such wicked behavior?" The answer is shocking. They learned it from David, their father. David desires a woman, and so he sinfully takes her for himself. He wants to cover up the transgression that he has committed, so he murders Bathsheba’s husband. We see the parallels, right? David’s transgressions left a generational impact in all the wrong ways, and 2 Samuel 13 isn’t even the end of the generational consequences of his sin. 


Surely, we desire to leave something better for the generations following us. So, how do we do it? I want to offer a few principles: 


1. We strive to leave a spiritual inheritance. 

As men, we must strive to kill the sin in our lives and pursue Christlikeness (Col. 3:5). Like David, we are at war with the world, our flesh, and the devil. Therefore, we are to put on the full armor of God and step onto the spiritual battlefield (Eph. 6: 10-13). It is for our spiritual good, not only ours but also for the generational legacy that will come after us. 


When our children see us going to war against “the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph. 6:12), they will be more inclined to do likewise. When sons see their father putting to death the lust that remains in his flesh, they, too, will put their own lust to death. When a daughter sees her father striving to love her mother faithfully, she will pursue a man who will love her faithfully. When children see their father prioritizing the Lord's Day, they will be more inclined to honor the Sabbath rightly. The list could go on, but take the principle of Proverbs 22:6 seriously: when we train our children in the way they should go, they will not depart from it when they are older. 


2. We strive to leave an earthly inheritance. 

This one might be shocking to you, but scripturally, there is a principle we should not ignore. The Bible speaks of finances and leaving the future generations' inheritance. We see this principle displayed with Abraham as he gives portions of his good to his children, leaving the inheritance to Isaac (Gen. 25:6). 


Of course, material possessions, and especially money, can become idolatrous. Our hearts cannot treasure money, and our hope cannot be in material things. However, proper stewardship, derived from a love of God, can help us understand how to leave an earthly inheritance that will benefit the generations that come after us. If we know how important it is for us as Christian men to accept that our wealth is a gift from God, then we will use it humbly for him. 


Let me tackle, first, tithing. Tithing is still an imperative from the scriptures. We are to give back to God the first fruits of his blessings to us in an acknowledgment that everything we have comes from him (Lev. 23:10). It is a response to God's gracious care, but also, we are to tithe to the church for the next two generations so that they have the opportunity and place to worship God (Prov. 13:21-22). How often do we think about that second point? We sacrificially give to the church so that it remains a House of Worship for our children's children. Men by giving to the Church, you are demonstrating humility to the Lord, and thanksgiving for what he has done and will do, before your children. Trust me, they are watching.


Secondly, though, I also need to mention inheritance. The possessions and wealth that the Lord gives us, no matter how great or small, are not to be wasted selfishly but used with an eye on future generations. This is counter-cultural. Often, in our selfish and consumer society, people do not even consider their own future, let alone the future of the generations that will follow them. But, as Christian men, we are responsible not only for providing an inheritance for our children and their children, but we must also contribute financially to see Christ's kingdom sustained and even advancing. Consider how this will impact your family for generations! Not only will your children, and their children, recognize your sacrificial love and leadership within the family, but they will be encouraged to do the same for their children and grandchildren. With your commitment, you are establishing a long line of men who will lead, care, and protect their families well. 


Generational faithfulness is a concern of God's heart. Because of this, he also gives us the duty to care about it. Therefore, we must purposefully work to leave a legacy for the future generations of our family. Men, with that in mind, keep watch over yourselves so that you might leave a strong spiritual inheritance. Also, financially plan and sacrificially give to leave a durable earthly inheritance. What you do now will affect your children's children.  


Matt Adams is the senior minister of First Presbyterian Church in Dillon, SC, and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.

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<![CDATA[Mend The Wall]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/mend-the-wall672238ca3b2cccd224dfbd59Wed, 30 Oct 2024 13:58:44 GMTJosh Reagan


“Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.” Proverbs 25:28


It's a sad thing to see pictures and hear stories of a city in shambles due to a lack of order, but it is more devastating to see and/or be a man in shambles. A good wall keeps danger out and protects the things we treasure most, so we must be about the business of mending all breaches. Our hearts were given to us by God, and made to treasure him above all else, so we must protect them at all costs for our own sake, the good of our neighbors, and the glory of God. A man without self-control is a menace to himself and others because his passions are on the throne that belongs to only one King, namely Jesus. When I survey my own heart and look around at the men in the church I see certain areas (not an exhaustive list) that need mending: unchecked anger, sexual lust, and gluttony. 


Unchecked Anger

Anger is not always bad. We are to have righteous anger over the things that anger God. Paul said, “‘Be angry, and do not sin:’ do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil” (Eph. 4:26-27 NKJV). Though there is such a thing as righteous anger, ours is always tinged with sin. Sinful anger is motivated by selfish desires and Satan wants us to “give full vent.” When my children disobey my instructions, I should be angry that they’ve sinned against God. Yet my heart reveals my anger simply because they’ve made me look bad in front of others. If I have a vertical view of their sin, and my own, then I am more prepared to act with self control instead of exploding in anger. This is an example from homelife but we need to  be on guard during this election season as rhetoric flows and tempers flare. Replace the breach of unchecked anger with the bricks of gospel meditation, heart examination, and patience.


Sexual Lust

The reason I titled this section sexual lust is because lust has many forms, but one that is common in the church, and celebrated in the world, is sexual in nature. It seems that a year doesn’t pass us by without some tragic story of a pastor removed from office for his sexual misconduct. These stories are tragic and known to the public, but many indulge in sexual lust in a dark room behind the glow of a computer screen. Remember that we live before the face of God. Remember that sex is a gift from God to be enjoyed between a man and woman in the confines of marriage. The world tells us that it’s all about personal gratification so go do what you do. “Yolo” right? Sure, we only live once but, “it is appointed for men to die once, and after this the judgment.” (Heb. 9:27). Replace the breach of sexual lust with the bricks of a godly marriage, marital sex, and fleeing sexual immorality.


Gluttony

In the south we often treat gluttony as a virtue and in the church we can treat immoderate use of meat and drink as freedom. I am in no way advocating some form of asceticism. The Lord has given us food and drink “to be received with thanksgiving.” He has given wine to “gladden the heart” and food to be enjoyed and sustain us. The problem is excess. When our eating and drinking is excessive, it is a danger to our health, soul, and puts others in danger. In my context, drunkenness and gluttony are sins that receive a wink and a giggle; sometimes you even get a free T-shirt or your picture on the wall for your excessive behavior. Replace the breach of gluttony with the bricks of thanksgiving, moderation, and self control.


It would be worthwhile for us all to pick up a copy of the Westminster Larger Catechism and spend time with questions 135 and 136. Also, it’s helpful to memorize a passage of scripture like Colossians 3 or Romans 6. The Psalmist said “I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.” This is not a bootstrap mentality of mustering up enough resolve to just get it done.  We come humbly and reliant upon the Spirit of God who is the true builder of the house. We remember that Jesus Christ and his finished work is the foundation of which our walls are built. 


Let us tear down the walls of self-sufficiency and self-indulgence. To the wind with the idiom, “boys will be boys.” We are called to be men and true manhood must be cultivated and fought for, to the glory of God!



Josh Reagan is the Associate Pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Greenwood, MS and serves as an editor with Reforming Men.



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<![CDATA[Contend in the Courts of the Church]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/contend-in-the-courts-of-the-church671a3485815dad9822b136deThu, 24 Oct 2024 12:01:30 GMTJared Dean


I begin this writing with a disclaimer: I am an intern in Chesapeake Presbytery of the Presbyterian Church in America and not yet ordained. However, I write this article primarily to encourage my fellow men in preparation for ministry: seminary students, candidates for ministry, licentiates, and interns in the Presbyterian Church in America. The time of seminary and the trials of licensing and ordination are intense and filled with seemingly endless reading, studying, writing, and examination. However, there is one area which seems to be frequently ignored in the preparation of many men for the ministry: the art of contending in the courts of the church. Parliamentary procedure often seems quite the nerdy escapade to most, but it truly is vital work in prosecuting the business of the church. This time of preparation for ministry is the time to add this vital arrow to your ministerial quiver, so to speak.


The 19th Century Irish Presbyterian minister Thomas Witherow wrote about the apostolic and Biblical example of Presbyterian polity in the assembly of elders in the Jerusalem Council of Acts 15. [1] The elders in the early church not only preached and taught the Scriptures, exhorted the believers, and corrected the sinners, but they also contended for the peace and purity of the church. We see this modeled in Acts 15 and in Paul’s corrective epistle to the Galatian church, among other examples. The elders of the early church both preached and ruled in the church.


The PCA’s Book of Church Order 8-1 says that one of the responsibilities of the elder is “to govern well, in the house and Kingdom of Christ.” Elders in the Presbyterian Church in America, both Teaching and Ruling, have the calling and responsibility to rule and govern the church. This work is carried out in the courts of the church: the Session, the Presbytery, and the General Assembly.


BCO 19-12 says that “Presbyteries should require interns to devote themselves diligently to the trial of their gifts; and no one should be ordained to the work of the ministry of the Word until he has demonstrated the ability both to edify and to rule in the Church.” The job of edification for an intern is obvious; preaching, teaching, leading Bible studies, writing, etc. But practicing rule in the church can be a bit tricky as an intern cannot yet vote in the church courts. However, candidates for ministry must still gain some experience in this area. We see both from examples in Scripture and in the PCA’s Book of Church Order that elders ought to both teach and rule. As an intern however, the question of how to gain this experience in church rule still remains.


If you are a candidate for ministry or intern in your Presbytery, I encourage you to attend the Session meetings of your church, the stated meetings of your Presbytery, and the annual meeting of the General Assembly. Use these times to pay attention to the parliamentary procedure and begin learning how it all works. Buy a copy of Robert’s Rules of Order, read it, and follow along during the meetings. Talk about it with your pastor, mentor, and Ruling Elders of your church. If you have the opportunity, have lunch with one of the men who function as the parliamentarian of your Session or Presbytery and pick his brain. Once you attend a few meetings, you will quickly learn which men have an aptitude for parliamentary work. Perhaps you can even cut your teeth by making motions or participating in the debate at your church’s congregational meetings. BCO 19-15 even allows an intern to “temporarily chair the meeting of the Session.” You can use all of these methods to gain experience and confidence in matters of parliamentary procedure and debate.


As men who are training and being examined for ministry, we will one day be called upon to rule and govern Christ’s church well. Use this time to prepare for these future labors. Just as a young boy will one day be a man who cares for his bride by teaching her, praying for her, and leading her, a man preparing for ministry will one day be a minister who cares for Christ’s bride by teaching her, praying for her, and leading her. Take this time now and learn to lead Christ’s bride well.


[1] Witherow, Thomas. I Will Build My Church: Selected Writings on Church Polity, Baptism, and the Sabbath. Ed. Jonathan Gibson. Glenside, PA: Westminster Seminary Press, 2021.


Jared Dean serves as pastoral intern at Liberty Church PCA in Owings Mills, MD while he pursues ordination. Jared has also served as a police officer for 16 years and a provisionally-endorsed chaplain for 2 years at a county police department in Maryland. Jared and his wife Kristin have been married for 16 years and have three daughters.


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<![CDATA[Don’t Misunderstand God’s Blessings]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/don-t-misunderstand-god-s-blessings670fcf1977f68feeb9d9e778Wed, 16 Oct 2024 14:41:48 GMTKen Wojnarowski


I start most mornings the same way: I wake up, pour coffee, read my devotional, and then try to do some reading for my next sermon. Fast forward to breakfast time before work, and I have the same breakfast most mornings alongside my family. Each morning, my breakfast consists of two eggs, 3 pieces of organic chicken sausage, and a slice of my wife’s homemade sourdough bread. 


You may have heard it said that variety is the spice of life. While one would say there is some truth to this, one would also say that having the same breakfast most mornings is boring and monotonous. 


While the world would clearly disagree, Godly men must recognize the great blessing comes from the monotonous, boring day to day of caring for your wife, working your job unto the glory of God, and spending every moment you can with your kids. I hope the sarcasm comes through here, as it should be seen as a huge blessing to be able to care for your wife, do your job, and spend time with your kids.


In the same vein, eating the same breakfast each day shows that God has blessed me with a breakfast to have each day. And not only am I blessed with food on my table, but I am blessed with a simple process for breakfast each day that maximizes time with my family. 


What the world calls monotonous, I call immense blessing beyond belief. 

The world wants you to think that everything you do is bombastic and epic. The world wants you to desire amazing experiences. The world wants you to forsake a “rough” life of having the privilege of getting on the floor to play with your child, in order to chase after a life where you get to do things that are social media worthy or a grand story to share with others.


We must fight this mentality. 


The Lord has designed us in such a way that we are to live for Him and not for ourselves. The Gospel should change our desires to be focused on living honorably before Him. The Gospel should change our desires to be for others, rather than ourselves. The Gospel should change us to desire time with our wife and kids, rather than time with our self.

One of the aspects of biblical masculinity is recognizing God’s blessing in what the world calls boring. 


You embrace your biblical masculinity when you recognize that waking up each day to spend time with your family is one of the chief blessings found in this life. Ask parents who have lost a child, they will tell you that they wish they could just have one more day to see their lost child. Brother, the world tempts us to complain and bemoan going home to our kids. The world tells us that you worked hard at your job, and when you get home you should get to rest. What a silly thought!


Men need to understand that no matter how hard of a day you had at work, when you get home, the entire household will reflect the manner in which you walk through the door. Fathers are the ones who bring mirth to the home! Brother, just think how many men wish they had a family to come home to! 


Don’t misunderstand God’s blessings. Don’t day dream for amazing life experiences when you have the privilege to sit next to a covenant child and box of legos. Don’t day dream for fantastical meals when you have the privilege to sit next to your wife, child, and a meal you have eaten countless times. 


God’s greatest blessings are the ones we take for granted. Don’t buy into the world’s understanding of “having it all”, rather hold fast to God’s word and recognize that those who finish well are the ones who recognize the blessings of God found in the ordinary parts of life.


Ken Wojnarowski is the Assistant Pastor at First Church PCA in Lansing, IL.


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<![CDATA[Abandon the Prevent Defense of Society & the Church]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/abandon-the-prevent-defense-of-society-the-church6706680b162aa9e82d735b31Wed, 09 Oct 2024 11:28:22 GMTNate Xanders


Most men who read this blog, and the men who attend church with them, likely conceive of themselves as theologically, socially, and politically conservative men. And I think this is a mistake. The way that we conceive of ourselves really matters. For example, if a football player believes he is made of glass, he won’t be very aggressive. On the other hand, if he believes he is completely invulnerable, he will be foolish and reckless. 


I would like to propose to you that self-conceiving as a conservative is utterly useless for our mindset as men, and it might even be incompatible with biblical truth. In my estimation, the problem with living as a conservative is that it is the equivalent of the prevent defense in football. Have you heard the old saying about the prevent defense? “The only thing that the prevent defense can prevent is victory.” 


Why is that? The prevent defense is too laid back—it doesn't attack the passer. It gives the quarterback ample time to pick the defense apart. And in trying to conserve the lead on the scoreboard, the prevent defense often snatches defeat from the jaws of victory. Merriam-Webster actually defines conservative as “tending or inclined to maintain existing views, conditions, or institutions.”


It is the maintenance of the status quo.


How are conservatives doing at keeping views, conditions, and institutions?


Not great. Virtually every Ivy League school was founded by a Christian man who would be deemed today as conservative, if not regressive. Every single one of those schools is now a liberal indoctrination station. And consider this: many of the things that JFK was saying in the 1960s are the kinds of things that you will hear from major Republican candidates today. In fact, in some cases, perhaps JFK today would be even more “conservative” than many members of the GOP at this moment. Conservatives are often just progressives who are liberalizing at a slower rate. “Conservatives” in US politics helped dig us into $30 Trillion of national debt, gave us no-fault divorce, passed major violations of the 2nd Amendment into law, and even championed The Patriot Act


A theological example of this huge shift can be found in the reformed world today regarding the 2nd and 4th Commandments. It is standard practice, it seems, for men to take exceptions to the teaching of the Westminster Standards on those commandments. And now a new stated difference is beginning to make an appearance: the idea that sin against a superior or man of eminence makes that sin more heinous is no longer unanimously embraced by candidates for the ministry. (The first 6,000 years of human history called, and they would like a word.)


Furthermore, some men today considered to be theologically “conservative” believe that women can be ordained to church office, take up arms to serve in law enforcement and the military, and be the primary breadwinner for their homes. These are all positions that theological conservatives once rejected. Basically, the views of authority and gender roles held by our fore-fathers have not been maintained. 


Those are just a handful of examples as to why conservatism is the prevent defense of the Church and Society—the opposing forces chip away slowly, gaining ground and establishing a new standard for you to “conserve” today. When you took over, the ball was at the 50-yard line, thanks to years of prevent defense being played before you. But when our grandsons take over, the ball will be in the red zone if we don’t change.


So, I would like to propose an alternative to conceiving of oneself as a conservative: traditionalist


The Greek word for tradition in the NT is paradosis, which is the act of handing down that which is given by word or in writing from one generation to another. Paul says in 2 Thessalonians 2.14-15, “To this he called you through our gospel, so that you may obtain the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers, stand firm and hold to the traditions that you were taught by us, either by our spoken word or by our letter.”


I do not want to conserve things for my sons. I want to build upon the reformed Christian tradition and legacy that was handed over to me, and I want to pass it down to them. I want to hand them the baton in the relay of history so that they can run farther and faster than I ran.  


God has placed each man in his own garden with a cultural mandate and a great commission. We are not to conserve the garden. We are to exercise dominion. We subdue. We cultivate. We fill the earth. We build homes. We have sons and find them wives. We have daughters and give them in marriage. We increase. We actively seek the peace and prosperity of the land in which we live—that is not conserving. It is expanding. It is handing down the legacy and lessons going all the way back to the dawn of time. 


Furthermore, Jesus said he would build his Church. He used imagery like leaven for the Kingdom—leaven makes things expand. The dough doesn’t stay the same size—nothing about it is merely being preserved or conserved. It is growing. We have been given a mandate and a mission to fulfill, not a maintenance mode. 


The prevent defense makes no sense in the Kingdom of God in Christ. We are to attack the Gates of Hell, day by day, again and again. Attending the creational ordinances and wielding the means of grace, we faithfully fight the good fight against the dominion of darkness, knowing that the Battle belongs to the Lord. And we have victory in Christ who is King over all. He is a covenantal Lord—faithful to the thousandth generation. So, let us be men who hold to the God-fearing traditions of our forefathers and let us actively work to hand them down to our children and grandchildren. 


Nate Xanders is the pastor of Christ the King Church (PCA) in Louisville, TN and serves as an editor for Reforming Men.

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<![CDATA[The Man as Protector (Part 3)]]>https://www.reformingmen.com/post/the-man-as-protector-part-366fafe7ac80684979795af34Wed, 02 Oct 2024 14:27:04 GMTBrian Cosby


In my first article in this series, I gave a biblical rationale and defense of the man as protector, showing from both the Old and New Testaments that God has designed men with a unique tendentiousness toward protecting, guarding, and defending. In the second article, I provided some very practical ways a man may fulfill his calling as a protector of his home and family.


In this “Part 3,” I want to give some practical ways a man can be a protector of his church, his community, and his nation. But before I get into some of the ways a man may do this, I want to briefly mention the requirements of the Sixth Commandment, as outlined in the Westminster Standards. Westminster Larger Catechism 135 states (in part):


The duties required in the sixth commandment are, all careful studies, and lawful endeavors, to preserve the life of ourselves and others…which tend to the unjust taking away the life of any; by just defense thereof against violence…and protecting and defending the innocent.


Westminster Larger Catechism 136 gives the “sins forbidden”:


The sins forbidden in the sixth commandment are, all taking away the life of ourselves, or of others, except in case of public justice, lawful war, or necessary defense; the neglecting or withdrawing the lawful and necessary means of preservation of life…and whatsoever else tends to the destruction of the life of any.


From this, it’s clear we obey the Sixth Commandment by not only preserving the life of ourselves and others by protecting and defending the innocent, but also by “neglecting or withdrawing” of those necessary means of preserving life. The reason I emphasize this is because some Christians believe that firearms (including the use of firearms) are intrinsically anti-Christian. But how is a man to protect and defend the innocent when faced with an armed assailant? A karate-chop or swan kick? How is a man to keep from neglecting the means of preserving life when someone is attempting to shoot congregants in his church? Even the best police response times are not fast enough to stop life-threatening harm to the innocent. Unfortunately, we’ve seen this scenario play out far too often. How much damage could an evil, armed individual do in five, ten, or fifteen minutes before police arrive? These are not trivial questions.


Protecting His Church

Given the current climate of church shootings and negative press regarding the so-called “toxic conservatism” that exists in Bible-believing churches, it’s prudent for the man to take a proactive approach in protecting himself, his family, and others in his church. A man should understand the scope of these threats to the church family. As an individual, a man should have a situational awareness of not only those around him, but also to the broader church gathering. Are known or unknown individuals displaying unusual behavior? Is there someone (not a parent) taking a child away? Is there noticeable heightened tension between two people?


Many have found it helpful to establish a security team of armed and trained men to envision the most likely scenarios of potential threats and how to appropriately respond to each one. There are companies that provide such training for these kinds of security teams, and this should be highly prioritized. Spending money on adequate training is always better than buying fancy equipment or weapons. We certainly wouldn’t want the innocent and vulnerable to be harmed in any way, nor would we want mass confusion about what to do. If this is something you and your church’s leadership agree to do, there should be a plan in place that includes having the exterior monitored (including the parking lots) and an awareness of the most likely access points.


May I add one additional thought here. I was taught—and I teach my kids—that if a bully is attempting to hurt you or someone else, take action. You be the one who stands in the gap, who puts the bully in his place, who defends the innocent. These are lessons we should pass to our children.


Protecting His Community and Nation

When I talk with protectors, I typically hear of two general scenarios for which these men train. The first is their everyday concealed carry weapon (CCW) for when they are at the gas station, at the mall, or at a restaurant—having the ability to respond in a moment’s notice to a mass shooting, a robbery at gun point, or some other similar evil. This is obviously the most realistic situation in which a man might be called upon to take action. What makes this difficult is that many mass shootings take place in so-called “gun free zones.” Why? Because evil, cowardly assailants target unarmed people. Passing stricter gun laws only disarms lawful citizens and leaves them vulnerable to unlawful perpetrators.


But the second general scenario for which men often train is for a grid-down situation where a community (e.g., neighborhood) may come under attack. This is a situation without the rule of (forcible) law. You wouldn’t be able just dial 911. And even if you did, they probably couldn’t come. If there is an electromagnetic pulse (EMP), financial collapse, or if the masses lose the ability to obtain food and essential supplies, people will do whatever it takes to get these items—and that means coming to your neighborhood or community. Obviously, this is unlikely. However, if men are not thinking or preparing for such possibilities, then who will? Who will be the “watchman” who, if they see potential danger coming, are prepared (Ezek. 33:6).


As an aside, the whole reason for the Second Amendment (in the USA) is for citizens to protect the so-called “rights” give in in the First Amendment and to themselves against unjust tyranny. Thomas Jefferson said, “The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” Samuel Rutherford, in Rex Lex, makes the biblical argument that it is the duty of the people to resist unlawful encroachments of those who hold office. This shouldn’t be controversial because such defensive measures (for the innocent and vulnerable) are basic, God-given duties given to men as protectors.


Finally, men may protect their nations by serving in the military—as there is “lawful war” (WLC 136). I do believe, based upon many biblical passages and reason itself, that only men should go to combat (but that’s for another article!). But men can also protect their nations by voting and taking action in ways that preserve and protect life. The evil of abortion comes to mind here. But men should vote for and promote laws that support life and peace.


I know that some of what’s been stated in this article may seem rather ungracious or unloving (at least toward evil assailants!). But what’s more ungracious and unloving—seeing innocent men, women, and children hurt or killed or stepping up as the protector God has designed you to be? Thoughts to consider.


Brian Cosby is senior pastor of Wayside Presbyterian Church on Signal Mountain, TN, adjunct professor at RTS Atlanta, and creator of the Provide & Protect Youtube channel.

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